Thursday, June 16, 2005

OPD

What is OPD you say? This particular acronym stands for Other People's Dirt. Why am I concerned with OPD you inquire? Well, my husband and I have just purchased a condo that is wall to wall OPD. I am not exaggerating. It is, in a word, repugnant.

I kid you not when I say that I walked into the place after having taken possession of the property and upon entry immediately wished I had my combat boots on (yes, I have combat boots and yes, they look quite fetching with a plaid parochial school girl type skirt - I was a teenager in the 80's, cut me some slack, people).

My second thought immediately following the need for combat ready gear was that there is no way I am putting my beautiful yarn stash in this place, the condo from Planet Pigsty! Not, jeez, I don't want my family or animals sleeping in here. Nor, no way am I putting food in this kitchen. No, I thought of my yarn (it's a sickness I know). I just cannot abide putting my precious yarnage (yes, I made that word up) in the creepy-crawlie-condo-disgusto.

Okay, did I know it was gross before purchase? Yes. However, I realized quickly while searching for a pad to purchase that most people just don't have the same standards as I do. And let me state, for the record, that I reside with many feathered and fuzzy friends, one husband and a child. Okay, I can keep my home clean and hold down a full-time job, crochet and make tons of art, build websites and blog, not to mention attend to the feathered, fuzzed and skinned creatures that inhabit our home AND I DO NOT HAVE A MAID (like the SAHM who was the former occupant). So, I'm bitter. Whatever.

However, it is not healthy to dwell on evil former condo inhabitants (who incidentally have kept the mailbox key so that they can continue to get mail there - oh the list goes on and on) so off to Stitch 'N Bitch I go this evening, located at the bee-you-ti-ful and historic Farmer's Market in West Hollywood. Seriously, I need to do some Hillybilly Knittin' and drink jugs full of moonshine (read: a nice merlot, California-style moonshine).

Do y'all think we should start a Hillbilly Knittin' webring? Or at least make a button??? Give me a shout out and let me know if this is something we indigent hook-wieldin' chicks should pursue.

17 comments:

Celeste said...

Goodness! Lady, your post has me crinklin' my nose! Yuck! All I need is the John Water's scratch n' sniff card! I'm sending you my Clorox wishes and 409 dreams...

Can you please expound upon this "hillbilly" concept, please? With certain caveats I may be interested.

rodentia said...

I'm all for a hillbilly knittin' shindig!

ladylinoleum said...

Celeste, I haven't gotten beyond the initial idea of having a webring. However, maybe we could combine our thoughts about what it is to be a Hillbilly Knitter and somehow bind those together. This is still very ambiguous, but it will become less opaque, hopefully sooner rather than later.

Okey dokey girls, I am going to put some brain cells a'working on this.

Pam said...

I too was a teenager in the 80's and I still sometimes dress like that! Ok, so the skirts aren't quite as short now...

Love your creations. Bloodshot eyeballs for everyone!

Granny said...

Don't you just hate dirty? My daughters love the smell of bleach and odorban. I love me some odorban. Oh and hand sanitizer, buy it by the gallons, can't crochet without it. Yellow gloves waltzing with a scrubby on a comet powdered floor, circling and gliding, twisting and turning.
Hugs and germ free wishes from one hillbilly knitter to another.

~drew emborsky~ said...

Sounds like hillbilly knittin' is only for girls. =(

Congrats on the condo!! =)

Deneen said...

Congrats on the condo, OPD and all. The former tenant had a maid and it is still skanky? I'm a SAHM sans maid and my house is "lived in". OPD is always grosser than your own dirt. Even in hotels it grosses me out to walk barefoot on the carpet. I know they vac the place, but it has tons of OPD ground into it.

Each time I moved out of a place, I left it scrubbed and in move in condition. Now, when we were looking at houses to buy, we came across a few doozies and pigstys. Now, most of the icky place had mirrored walls. Why is that??? You know, those self stick 12 x 12 mirror tiles. I remember on house, I told my husband that all the carpet would have to go, as well as the mirrored wall before I would even consider stepping foot in the place to clean. We didn't buy it.

Is that all that's wrong is general skank factor? Any other major problems?

Hillbilly Knittin' rocks!

Julie said...

I'm liking the whole hillbilly knittin' concept. Forget what Celeste said about the caveats, I think she's a closet HBK. Y'know, I'll be at the Farmers Market SnB on the 7th, while I'm visiting L.A. I hope I get to see you there! My buddy is Ellen Bloom over there and I'm so excited to get a hookin' with y'all. I worked at the Fudge Shop and Dupars when I was in high school, when there was no Grove. It's so weird how "cool" it is now.

MomThatsNuts said...

Amazing how some people live isnt it? I worked in hospice and we did home care (which is pretty much what hospice is duh) anyhow, this one time, I KID YOU NOT, I had to rinse the TICKS out of the sink to fill up a basin to give this poor woman a bath. Her "family" kept her in this back room and it was so disgusting...ugggg People are strange...

Mom

Kari said...

Ugh on the OPD!

Hillbilly Knitters (male and female) would be grass roots, salt of the earth knitters, nothing fancy, not yarn snobbish (ok we ALL have some yarn snob in us we just don't want to admit it), but rough and tumble- can knit through a tornado and not get ruffled type of knitter.

ladylinoleum said...

Julie yay! I cannot wait to meet you! Love Ellen...she's a kick!

Celeste is a total HBK-er and she knows it!

Kari, totally agree with you about "what makes a HBK-er" I need to keep that definition handy when I am ready to get the webring thingie together.

I am glad I am not the only one who feels this way about dirt. Thanks for all the moral support everyone! Keeps me from crying about the whole thing.

Jessica said...

Ugh. Please don't post before photos of the condo. I'm begging you! At least not without adequate warning!

Sara said...

I'm so there for the HK ho-down hootenanny. I'm so glad the former occupant of my home was a nurse and OCD. No OPD for me!

Kelly Kell said...

I've lived in my first home for a year now- and am still cleaning the mess that was left behind by the former owners!! I am at my wits end really- and have resorted to buying a steam cleaner in hopes of eliminating the smell and grime... which normal cleaning methods can't cut! I think it is driving me crazy... and still feel like the house is not yet mine! Damn them! Damn them!

Rebecca said...

eww ew ew! i am a little 'over the top' okay, obsessed with cleaning my house. i'm so bad.. my kids 'rag skate' hardwoods throughout (yes, even bedrooms), i spray the whole house down with murphy's oil, we all put a polish cloth under each foot and skate around the house. doesn't sound nearly as funny as it looks.
you know i'm a HBKer - funny, kari's definition, hookin was all that kept me sane saturday as 17 tornadoes danced around us for 5 hours straight!

barbarakay said...

Congratualtions on the new home, been there, done that cried through 5 rooms before making the discovery that the ugly beige and black bathroom was, in fact, pink and black. Not the this Hillbilly knitting thing, first you have to drop the ya'll thing, I am from beautiful green Tennessee and we don't talk like that. The proper saying in ya'all you got to have the extra ah in there. Good luck,

Amy O'Neill Houck said...

Bring on the webring (or whatever) I wanna be a HBK-er! I think Hillbilly Knitters might like to crochet with unusual sources of fiber, i.e. recycled VHS tapes (just heard of this one yesterday). What would be the Hillbilly Knitting version of old cars adorning the lawn? Stash spread about the livingroom?