As you might have gathered by now, I really like chickens. However, I bet you didn't know that I like chicken by-products too!
Enter, the Accidental Humpty Dumpty:
At least we were led to believe it was an accident that took the life-yolk from our fragile friend. I, however, believe that Humpty Dumpty fell victim to a far more sinister fate. Let's examine this fable for a moment shall we?
"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall."
What was Humpty doing sitting on a wall? He's an EGG! Even if he were a hard-boiled egg, this is still a very dangerous place for an egg to sit. Why wasn't he sitting on a bed of hay? An Aero mattress? A beanbag chair? Hell, he'd had been better off sitting on the curb (shorter fall)! No, I believe Humpty was sitting on the wall because he was desperate. He was fed up, dejected, lacked any reason to go on living. Why else would he be up on an elevated wall, teetering far above the ground, minutes from certain death? Or maybe, just maybe, he was eggnapped and abandoned atop the wall without any hope of rescue. Yes, it is becoming clearer, is it not?
The tube socks are good, huh? Eh-hem, let's continue...
"Humpty Dumpty had a great fall."
Um, yeah! As I said before, he's an EGG! He is not aerodynamic (though if he were in space this wouldn't really have any relevance, but here amidst the gravitational laws that govern us earthlings, Humpty is a little, well, screwed). He's sitting atop a RIGID wall TOWERING above the PAVEMENT! There are only two explanations: suicide or foul play. If he didn't jump then he was pushed! It's as simple as that. Or maybe he was just humiliated by having to wear striped tights all of the time (they are so 80's). I digress.
"All the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again."
Okay, forget about the suicide theory. It's definitely a conspiracy. First of all, horses have no opposable thumbs thereby making their ability to glue interlocking pieces of shattered eggshell together nil. Why would the King send a rescue team of horses to the gruesome scene? And why were the King's men unable to repair Humpty? Maybe they were off-duty? Or maybe they were ordered to stand down? Or maybe, just maybe, they weren't actually there to rescue Humpty Dumpty at all, but pushed him off the RIGID wall TOWERING above the PAVEMENT, shattering poor Humpty Dumpty into a million pieces ensuring the King's victory in the next Kingdom elections scheduled to occur in the Fall. That's it! Political assassination!
Politician's are often found dead wearing brown socks with black shoes. It's sad really.
Copyright 2005 Regina Rioux Gonzalez. All rights reserved.