Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Canny Cranny Granny



Arriving yesterday at Holiday Meal Recovery Unit ("HMRC") Headquarters, Cranny Cranny Granny ("CCG") joins this elite force who are currently readying themselves for Operation Veggie Shield. This, their first mission since the force's inception is to infiltrate U.S. human homes this T-Day in order to rescue as many of their Produce-Based Counterparts as possible from death by side dish.

General Pilgrim Tater was ecstatic to see Major CCG as the HMRU was looking a bit lean for a mission sure to challenge each team member's strength of fiber. General Tater has much faith in The Three Legumes as they are as deadly in the field as they are the color green, but four Veggie Commandos a successful mission does not make. Even knowing he would have full VLA support both on the table and at back at the Operation's Command Center, General Tater was still a bit uneasy about the Operation's execution. That is until the arrival of Ms., ooops, I mean, Major Canny Cranny Granny.



Major CCG is a master military strategist. Having escaped the human jaws of death herself many, many, MANY years ago, Canny Cranny Granny not only knows how humans think, but she knows how and what makes their tummies rumble, a skill that is key to a successful Produce Recovery Operation. CCG may be a little slower than her comrades, but what this Canned Cran Gran lacks in speed she makes up for in stealth. For example, humans never notice CCG even when she finds herself smack dab in the center of their tables surrounded by the fleshy beings. She simply lays on her side in the nearest low-rimmed dish until the coast is clear and she can move about as need be. After all, it is known fact that humans rarely eat Cranberry Sauce from the can. CCG has taken advantage of this fact mission after mission and in doing so saved countless Fruit and Veggie lives from unsavory ends.

We here at the VLA are proud to welcome Major Canny Cranny Granny to the Holiday Meal Recovery Unit and bade fair warning to all U.S. humans this T-Day...The Produce IS RESTLESS...

Copyright 2005 Regina Rioux Gonzalez. All rights reserved.

20 comments:

Kari said...

OMG Woman! You have totally outdid yourself now! I looooooove it!
Happy Thanksgiving

Tara said...

Go granny!
I love it. My sisters and I would only ever eat the canned jelly cranberry sauce, but now I think we may have to get rid of the sauce all together. I apologize to all previoulsy jellied cranberries I may or may not have...um...disposed of.

Kimberly said...

Did she escape from my cupboard? I do believe I last saw a can of cranberry sauce in the very back of it about 1982 or so! Go Granny go!

Happy "no veggies should be consumed" Thanksgiving!

Deneen said...

She is completely and totally wicked awesome!

Natalie said...

Cranberry sauce [the food] is one of my favorites, and I think this Ms. Cranberry Sauce truly rocks!! Although, she would *not* be safe at my Turkey Day table!!

Nancy said...

LOL

Happy Carnivore's Day tomorrow!

VLA rules!!

Rose said...

Thanks! The next time someone offers me canned cranberry, I can truthfully say "I can't eat that, she may be a grandmother!" Happy Thanksgiving!

Wendy said...

The earrings are a nice touch! Too funny, thanks for my holiday laugh...as I sit here frantically trying to pack everything for the weekend...as always, I am left to do everything. Have a Happy Thanksgiving! :)

Andy's Crafts said...

You have the touch and the knowledge. I believe you may have infiltrated the alien invation from outerspace, with the agents from your brigade. No vegetable in outerspace will suffer as long as we have Canny Cranny Granny. What does she have under her hair?

Squishybear said...

hahahaha! :-P

The Shrone said...

She reminds me of Can o' Beans and the Sock from Tom Robbins' Skinny Legs and All! There was that giant RV turkey in that story, too!

Another great addition to the growing cast of characters!

Micky said...

I will never be able to look at cranberry sauce again without seeing that eye. I never eat any so that won't be a problem.
Happy Turkey!
:)

Sally said...

Love Cranny Granny!! It makes me very happy to see she's finally taking a stand!!!! Go Granny!!
Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

Jessi said...

AH!!!!! That is great. Too too freakin great. I love her. You just rock woman!!!! Love the hair.

crallspace said...

Hey LL,
Thanks for the response! Glad you like the CDs...I was hoping that you would.

Have a great holiday season!

Soulknitting said...

"Death by sidedish," had me spit milk over the computer screen in a fit of laughter. WAAAYYY to funny. Always a joy to be among your nutty veggies!! Happy T Day.

~drew emborsky~ said...

Granny would go great on a leftover turkey sammy.... ;)

stuffed said...

I worship at the throne of all crannies. Damn, this one's making me hungry...

jaclim said...

I love granny! She's so cute! I love the earrings! lol!

Jane said...

Cranny Granny could come over here and meet her transatlantic counterparts - Groovy Gravy Granny and Aunt Dread Bread Sauce.