Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

In the last five weeks I have been to New York twice and London once. Needless to say, all of this travel has complicated an already complex lifestyle and unfortunately it has also had a negative impact on my ability to knit, crochet, weave, spin, dye (haven't stoked up the dye pot in ages), sew, DESIGN and blog. I mean let's face it, my life has undergone the ultimate sea change: still divorcing (almost a two year process at this point); lost my home earlier this year, currently residing in a space the size of a milk crate; job responsibilities growing faster than I can keep up with (hence the constant travel); daughter on the verge of adulthood, squawking at me constantly; and there is always a silver lining...I find myself in an affair of the heart with an amazing man. Needless to say, keeping up with the tidal wave that is my life can be a bit challenging and trying to be creative despite these many perplexities has been a Sisyphean task.

Nevertheless, I am creating, albeit slowly and on a much smaller scale than in previous years, but create I continue to do. I haven't started much of anything new in the last several months for I am a creature of discipline if nothing else. As such, I am making a concerted effort to finish anything and everything that became stuck in stasis due to the great life upheaval of 2009-10. I make progress on these myriad WIPs while crisscrossing the country (the globe) in a flying tube, sitting in those ubiquitous vinyl seats gathered around airport gates, on my 60 minute lunch hours where yarn and not food has become the ultimate focus and if I'm awake enough to tackle anything else at the end of a workday, while sitting in my overstuffed chair in front of the television as I try desperately to watch all of the previously recorded programming on my DVR. Making has taken a backseat to moving at this point.

Now, I am nothing if not adaptable. I have gone through similar periods in my life where the act of making/creating was threatened by the stress of my daily responsibilities. However, making/creating is a very powerful force in my world and while it's daily importance has lessened to a certain degree as life happens, it has not disappeared completely. Further, I'm positive that my creative spirit will endure the current constraints as well as those that may occur in the future as I am an artist at the core of my being. Always have been. Always will be. I will make things because this is who I am. This is what I do. I just need to figure out how to navigate the current landscape and adapt my process accordingly. Not always easy to do, but definitely attainable.

So, in working through my current conundrum, I've come up with a few solutions that I will be actively pursuing going forward:

1. Finish all outstanding WIPs. Getting through these projects serves as a metaphor for closing the door on the past and readying myself for the future, thereby allowing me a clean slate to begin new work.
2. Notation, notation, notation. Time for me to begin recording my ideas and conceptions in a journal/notebook again. This has been a traditional part of my process that I have allowed to lapse over the last year. Time to dig out my notebook and return it to its proper place in my purse. Never leave home without my "spell book" and quill!
3. Smaller, lighter, faster. Size and portability are key when one is trying to create while trapped in a tube. I will try to fit all projects and accoutrement into the same carry-on size bag for every trip. Not only does this serve to simplify my packing, but it makes the project wrangling in a small space headache-free.
4. LadyLinoleum has a laptop and will promise to use it. Blogging IS possible to do from a big fluffy hotel bed while inhaling room service, at least this is what I'm told.

So peeps, you will be seeing quite a few changes 'round this here bloggy over the next several months, but I do promise that your Lady of the Linoleum will still attempt to entertain you with a cadre of smaller crazy creations, one-off patterns here and there, a bit of humor and wisdom as she sees fit and hopefully, myriad on-the-road crafting tips! As always, I thank you all for your continued comments, emails and support. Literally, you all are THE ONLY REASON that I'm still taking up residence in cyberspace. Big hugs all around!

Stay tuned kids!

Where did December go???

Heya kids!

How's tricks?

I know, I know. I've left my blog unattended again. December has been rough. What can I say? This month has been alternately plagued by myriad divorce proceedings, health issues (which I'm sure can be attributed to the stress surrounding my myriad divorce proceedings) as well as strangely pleasurable (despite all of the divorce and health misadventures) holiday endeavors which have included much eating, drinking and making merry with family and friends.

Can we all say hallelujah for family and friends??? There is NO WAY I would have gotten through this year without my peeps. I love you all to the depths of my soul!

Group hug!

Ahem...

Yes, well, in addition to the peepage lending me their shoulders to cry on, shoving platefuls of holiday goodies in front of my face AND keeping my wine glass filled to the rim, I've also been able to draw comfort from my craft. I mean, you should see the piles of stuff I've made this year that have yet to be photographed! It's nuts. Hell, I may have been a mess in 2009, but a productive mess no less and this week has been no exception. Yes, I been alternately in the kitchen making cookies with my Mom and sisters or sitting in front of one of my spinning wheels making yarn. As such, here is this week's homespun bounty...

I call this yarn, affectionately, The Christmas Catastrophe!



It's purty, no? Okay, it's weird. But it is also sparkly! My favorite color is sparkly...

Ooooooooooh...Ahhhhhhhhhh....

And here is the more sedate spinning experiment of this week...



After looking at the image above, I cannot believe I just characterized this yarn as sedate. I am losing my mind...slowly...but surely.

Anyway, the lovely, shiny yarn above was spun from pulled silk sari fiber. Neato, right? It's shiny! I like shiny almost as much as sparkly...

Can I get another Ooooooooooh?

How about an Ahhhhhhhhhh?

Thank you very much...

Okay, I have tons more stuff to show you guys so I promise to be better about posting. Also, since there seems to be widespread interest in the critter-sized Lumberjack Hat, I will be posting the pattern soon.

Stay tuned!

Hugs and kisses all around!

The Conventions of Wisdom

It's no secret that I am having a rough year. It's also no secret that the rough stuff is the stuff from which most of us learn our most valuable life lessons. Knowing this doesn't make the journey any less painless, however! I mean, to say that I'm in a state of transition seems an understatement to be sure. Be that as it may, I am learning to accept my current state of groundlessness. It was a bit unsettling at first to be this, uh, unsettled, but now I just shrug my shoulders and put one foot in front of the other, hurdling along my current path at death defying speeds, winding unpredictably to an uncertain fate. It's horrifying and exhilarating all at the same time and I have made many a discovery about myself and my life's cosmic soup along the way...

Firstly, when it comes to societal mores, I happen to be an unconventional girl. Okay, I know that you all are sitting there reading this statement and thinking, hel-lo? You didn't know this about yourself already? You've christened yourself LadyLinoleum for Pete's sake! My reply? No, I did not know this, or more appropriately I should say, I have, until this point in my life, had trouble accepting this vision of myself, as evidenced by my constant attempts to fit my trapezoidal shaped peg into life's round holes. Oh yes, my past is littered with failed pursuits of the western woman's dream. You know that of which I speak. You are born, you spend your youth immersed in compulsory education, after graduation you may pursue higher education and possibly career, but then you almost certainly find a good man, get married, purchase a home, have children, you and the hubby work tirelessly toward retirement, retirement finally arrives, maybe you travel, enjoy the grand kids and general fruits of your life's labors until the end of your days. Yeah, it took me a long, long time to realize that I'm just not suited to that particular path and it took me even longer to stop beating myself up about the fact that this path has eluded me.

So as it turns out, I am just not marriage material and further, I really like living alone. I love having a career and earning a paycheck. I also don't really mind being a single parent most of the time. Speaking of which, I love my daughter, but feel fortunate that I decided to have only one child during my early 20's. At the ripe old age of 40, I know that I have no desire at all to live in the 'burbs. I love living in the middle of one of the greatest cities on the planet, noise, traffic, hustle, bustle and all. Don't get me wrong, I love nature and having the ability to seek refuge in it from time to time, but I'm a city girl to the depths of my soul. As such, for me relaxation comes in the form of total immersion in activities that keep my mind and body busy. And I know that this one may come as a complete surprise to you (or not!), but I'm secure enough in myself to admit it nonetheless...I'm totally high maintenance. Yep, just call me, uh, complex. Not to worry though, I am quite capable of taking care of my own maintenance, thank you very much...Oh my, did it ever take me a long time to accept these truths about myself and to stop apologizing for them to whomever I found myself unhappily married to.

Secondly, and completely contradictory to my first dictum, when it comes to societal mores I am too every bit the conventional girl.

What did you just say?

Girl, have you lost your mind? Up above you were going on and on and on about what an independent, headstrong woman you are!

I am, but as also previously stated above, I am nothing if not complex...

In addition to my need for independence and a strong craving to experience the larger world we inhabit, I am also a woman who loves to get lost in what society considers to be a traditionally female role. I love caring for my child and home, cooking and baking make me immensely happy and well, you all know I have a penchant (read, serious addiction) for the needle and fabric arts. Okay, I admit it...I also adore all things girlie, shopping, primping and coiffing, gossiping and hanging out with the girls...People, I own a hot pink blue tooth and I am NOT afraid to use it.

Who am I kidding? This independent, headstrong business woman, in touch with her inner stay at home mom, is also perfectly at home in the shallow end of the pool.

Didn't I already use the term complex?

Anyway, the treatise above regarding the recent discoveries made while trekking about my inner landscape is my long-winded approach to a point, dear reader...Basically, I am a phoenix in mid-cycle. My soul having suffered a good ole cremation, I am beginning to rise from the ashes of what was before, readying myself to experience what will be. As such, I will be approaching this next chapter in the book of LadyLinoleum with a bit of wisdom tucked under my belt. Henceforth I will always make a concerted effort to live loudly and deeply. I will try not to be afraid to make mistakes or allow fear to hold me back. I will attempt to be gentle with myself and cherish my loved ones most deeply. I recognized that each day presents an opportunity to discover something new about myself and the world around me. I will make art everyday...

Oh, and for you, dear reader, I will keep these self-help styled realizations to a posted minimum for I seek NOT to be the Deepak Chopra of the craft world...Yes, you can all breath a group sigh of relief!

With that said, many thanks to you all for reading my soliloquy, all of my myriad soliloquies for that matter. Happy Wednesday kids!

When Things Fall Apart...

Last weekend began with a phone call at 4:30 pm on Friday afternoon...

I looked at my Blackberry screen...private number. I debated as to whether I should bother answering and then elected to do so.

"Ms. Gonzalez?"

"Yes."

"This is Detective So and So from the LAPD."

I immediately think, great! What's my soon-to-be-ex-husband accusing me of doing to him now? (You all have no idea, dear reader, the shenanigans that have ensued since the official split.) My seconds of contemplation were interrupted by the Detective's voice.

"Ma'am, do you have a daughter?"

My right brow elevated slightly as I answered, "Yeeesss."

"Can you tell me her name?"

Upon my answer he began to relay the scenario that necessitated his call. Apparently my lovely daughter and her posse were smoking cigarettes in the alley behind our condominium. The undercover narcotics detectives spotted them and thought that they looked a little too young to be smoking. Bingo! So, they decided to wrangle the group up and search their persons and belongings.

Guess what they found in my offspring's bag?

Gum?

No, give it another try.

Mascara?

Well, yes. One doesn't achieve beautiful full lashes without a little help from the cosmetic counter, but that item didn't give the officers cause for any concern. No, the item found in my daughter's tote that provoked this Friday afternoon phone call was...oh yes...a marijuana pipe.

Yeah, the fun never stops over at ChezLinoleum!

The detectives said that my daughter and her friends look like good kids, but the pipe could be a sign of more to come if not nipped in the bud (no pun intended) sooner rather than later. Further, they said that they would only give my child a ticket for smoking and release her into my custody, allowing me to handle the situation as I saw fit. Unfortunately, the ticket means that we will be going to teen court (Yay another courtroom experience!) in September and she will receive a fine.

The one good thing that came out of Friday evening's events? For the first time in weeks, my daughter seemed to lose her obnoxious teen 'tude. Yep, when I calmly explained to my daughter that she would be grounded for the rest of the summer she just looked at me and replied, "Okay. I'm sorry Mom." Further, she told me that she will be paying for the fine with her own wages, to which I replied, "Yes, yes, you will."

Unfortunately the weekend just worsened from that point forward...

Weekends have become increasingly difficult for me since the onset of my marital mayhem. When my husband and I were still residing together, weekends were filled with tension and a depth of unhappiness that was nothing short of utter oppression. Now that he is gone, the silence itself and my ever encroaching awareness of the nightmare that I have endured, am enduring, has become utterly oppressive. Now, I am quite adept at keeping my sadness, anxiety and depression at bay most of the time, but there are occasions when no amount of positive affirmation can stem the tide of my despair. And last weekend, despair was the rip tide that caught my leg and tried to pull me under...

I could feel the ripples of despair lapping at my toes when driving home from my teaching gig on Saturday evening. As I edged closer to home, my stomach began to turn and my mind raced with unsavory thoughts. I acknowledged that this did not bode well for an evening of quiet relaxation.

By 10:00 pm I was in full melt-down mode. My body was collapsing under the weight of my sadness, tears streaming down my cheeks, nostrils leaking fluid, hair in disarray...not a pretty sight peeps. I needed to hear a friendly voice. I texted my Mom and said simply, "I'm falling apart." She called me shortly thereafter and by the end of the call, we were both in tears! At this point, my eyes were burning and my eyelids had swelled to size of raviolis. I needed to get control of myself. So, I threw Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring on the DVD player and attempted to drown my sorrows in a bowlful of Cheetos. Normally, Frodo and a neon orange snack would do the trick, but this was no normal bump in the proverbial rode. (Oh, by the way, the whole time I was melting down mercilessly? Yeah, I was also crocheting. Just because I was falling apart and contemplating heaving my body from the rooftop, did not mean that I had became exempt from my design deadlines.) At that point, I decided to pack it up and just go to bed. Yeah, you guessed it, I cried myself to sleep.

So, how was your Saturday night?

*Ahem*

Needless to say, Sunday I awoke with bloodshot eyes, ravioli eyelids and a headache the size of Los Angeles County. I looked in the mirror and began to tear up again. Enough was enough. I called my girlfriends. They were coming over later to get me out of the house. Knowing this made me feel marginally better, but not enough to dam up the tear tide completely. So, I picked up the phone again and dialed a familiar international number. I listened to the crackle and hiss of the line making it's myriad connections before finally hearing the foreign and yet oh so familiar ring go through its repetitions...

The deep resonant voice that I know intimately answered, "Al-lo?"

"Honey, it's me," crying ensued...AGAIN.

He immediately answered me in English, "What's wrong Re? Tell me..."

It was there and then that I laid it all out, the pain, the suffering, the overwhelming sense of feeling like a failure. I told him about LittleLinoleum's Friday fun fest, my parental controls slipping away, the endless crocheting during it all. How could I have allowed my life to go so...sideways? He listened intently and comforted me with his words. By the end of the conversation he even had me in doubled over in laughter. We were both reluctant to end the dialog, but we said our pregnant goodbyes nonetheless. After hanging up, I looked in the mirror and noticed the residue of a smile on my face. I would be okay...

Later at lunch with my band of rescuers, my mom looked up from her plate of food and asked me, "Did you talk to Sam?"

I smiled. "Yes."

She smiled too and said, "I thought so..."

The Haps at ChezLinoleum

I am trying desperately to get back into a regular blogging rhythm. To that end, a two week silence is better than silence for two months. Anyhoo, here's the ChezLinoleum update...

Firstly I'm a blond now...



I've never been one to shy away from changing my coif. Therefore, I head to my salon each month for a redo. It's exciting to see what my girls, Roxy and Carrie, have in store for me upon plopping my arse down in the chair for a leisurely Friday evening full of laughter, conversation and hairstyling abandon!

Next do-wop is this Friday. Life's little pleasures you know.

Speaking of life's little pleasures, I'm finally able to concentrate on reading again! I generally love to read, but the events of the past several months have prevented me from doing just that. I just could not focus on the words. Needless to say my mind has been little more than sludge due to the pummeling my soon-to-be-ex-husband has been giving me. Sucks. Anyway, with HIS presence absent from my physical sphere I am able to enjoy reading again. So, I am doing just that!



I'm about 400 pages into Pillars of the Earth and I have become totally absorbed in the story, which is great because I started this tome upon embarking on my latest divorce odyssey (yes, this is number two for me) and as I said above, I've been a bit distracted because of this experience. As a result, the first 300 pages of this book were a rough ride for me. I can tell that I'm beginning to have some clarity again by virtue of the fact that I'm feeling totally at home in this epic adventure.

Oh, but wait, there's more!

I am also listening to the audio book Eat, Pray, Love while toiling away at the office (and when not in meetings of course).



Now, I have to tell you all that I resisted this book for some time. First and foremost, everyone I know told me that this was a must read for me. You know, you're hurting Regina. So, be at one with someone else's torturous experiences and find comfort in her ability to have gotten through her tough stuff. Whatever. I'm not into the self-help thing I told them en masse. No, no, not self-help, we swear. Okay. Fine. I'll read the f-ing thing. Cool yer jets.

Let me tell you peeps, am I getting more out of this book than I ever could have imagined. It's a lovely memoir about fragility and strength, truth and consequences, discovery and fear, love and loss, pain and solace...in short I am loving this read (or listen as the case my be). I also am really enjoying the fact that Elizabeth Gilbert is the reader in the audio version, as it should be as far as I'm concerned.

Finally, I am working my way through a third book about journey, discovery and transformation...



Nicky Epstein is one of my favorite designers. Combine her complex, interesting and sometimes quirky style with a few travel memoirs and you've got a book I'm way into! I've only just begun perusing the pages of Knitting in Tuscany, but thus far this book is a visual delight and worthy of a few bookmarked design pages to be sure.

In addition to reading, I've been thoroughly immersed in music again. I realized that over the course of my last marriage, music had begun to vanish from my life completely . You see, my mostly unemployed soon-to-be-ex-spouse was home a lot and had the television on 24/7. So, listening to music was just not an option unless I walked around with my iPod attached to my waist, earbuds affixed, the resulting anti-social behavior becoming the norm. Not wanting this to occur for fear of reprisal, I just stopped listening to music (unless of course I was in my car for the 2.5 mile commute to and from the office each day). Yeah, now? I throw my iPod into the speaker dock each morning and sing my way to a finished face and coiffed do. It is heavenly.

I have very eclectic musical tastes ranging from R&B and rap to alternative to classical to world music. I am HEAVY into the world music thing. Lately my worldly bent tends toward eastern rhythms. Lots of Indian classical stuff as well as the not so classical, traditional and not so traditional Arabic music with a bit of Tibetan singing bowls thrown in for good measure. Love this stuff.

My daughter and I have been known to whittle away the evening hours sharing songs with one another via our dueling Macbooks. She thinks my music is "weird" and/or "sad", oftentimes urging me to add more Notorious BIG to my library. Needless to say, I have a good selection of Biggie Smalls since the onset of our musical sharing sessions. Got to love the teen peeps.

So let's see...reading again. Check. Groovin' to the tunes. Double check. Stepping up the work out regimen and taking care of the old (and I mean old as I hit the ole 4-0 this year) bod. Check, check, check! Oh yes, taking care of my weary mind goes hand in hand with taking care of the body. As such, I rehired my trainer the minute ye ex-spouse left the building. The dude is at my house two nights per week where he proceeds to kick my ass, thank you very much, and I try to hit the gym the nights I am not with trainer dude, Jerry.

Lastly, when not coiffing, reading, singing along or working through 58 sun salutations in a row I've been designing. Here are my latest and greatest stuffed wonders for Crochet Today mag...

Crabius Gigantius!



And a couple of shell pillows...



Even though it's been difficult to focus, I've tried to maintain my design regimen. No small feat, but well worth the effort in the end. Um, that last statement works for literally all of the subjects that I've covered in this post.

I feel as if I have awakened from a very long, very dark dream....