Thursday, June 09, 2005

CSI: Humpty Dumpty

As you might have gathered by now, I really like chickens. However, I bet you didn't know that I like chicken by-products too!

Enter, the Accidental Humpty Dumpty:



At least we were led to believe it was an accident that took the life-yolk from our fragile friend. I, however, believe that Humpty Dumpty fell victim to a far more sinister fate. Let's examine this fable for a moment shall we?

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall."

What was Humpty doing sitting on a wall? He's an EGG! Even if he were a hard-boiled egg, this is still a very dangerous place for an egg to sit. Why wasn't he sitting on a bed of hay? An Aero mattress? A beanbag chair? Hell, he'd had been better off sitting on the curb (shorter fall)! No, I believe Humpty was sitting on the wall because he was desperate. He was fed up, dejected, lacked any reason to go on living. Why else would he be up on an elevated wall, teetering far above the ground, minutes from certain death? Or maybe, just maybe, he was eggnapped and abandoned atop the wall without any hope of rescue. Yes, it is becoming clearer, is it not?



The tube socks are good, huh? Eh-hem, let's continue...

"Humpty Dumpty had a great fall."

Um, yeah! As I said before, he's an EGG! He is not aerodynamic (though if he were in space this wouldn't really have any relevance, but here amidst the gravitational laws that govern us earthlings, Humpty is a little, well, screwed). He's sitting atop a RIGID wall TOWERING above the PAVEMENT! There are only two explanations: suicide or foul play. If he didn't jump then he was pushed! It's as simple as that. Or maybe he was just humiliated by having to wear striped tights all of the time (they are so 80's). I digress.



"All the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again."

Okay, forget about the suicide theory. It's definitely a conspiracy. First of all, horses have no opposable thumbs thereby making their ability to glue interlocking pieces of shattered eggshell together nil. Why would the King send a rescue team of horses to the gruesome scene? And why were the King's men unable to repair Humpty? Maybe they were off-duty? Or maybe they were ordered to stand down? Or maybe, just maybe, they weren't actually there to rescue Humpty Dumpty at all, but pushed him off the RIGID wall TOWERING above the PAVEMENT, shattering poor Humpty Dumpty into a million pieces ensuring the King's victory in the next Kingdom elections scheduled to occur in the Fall. That's it! Political assassination!



Politician's are often found dead wearing brown socks with black shoes. It's sad really.

Copyright 2005 Regina Rioux Gonzalez. All rights reserved.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow, and all these years I just believed that old Humpty was simply a clumsy egg who made a bad decision. Who knew?

rodentia said...

I'm not sure why my first post listed me as anonymous...I've got nothing to hide! Perhaps it's for my own safety, now that I know "the truth about Humpty..."

MomThatsNuts said...

OMG You funny funny crazy insane person you!! I love your humor and am still amazed by your talent.
horses have no apposeable thumbs. THAT STUFF CRACKED ME UP.,...oh sheesh your too much

Julie said...

Bravo, well done! You are so creative and funny! I can't believe how talented you are w/ crochet!

Deneen said...

A talented crocheter and a talented storyteller. What next Regina, huh????????

Great story, great "illustrations". You should write a PC Fairy Tale book (I thinks someone did a while ago), but use your art for the illustrations.

Your site does make me smile and scratch my head!!!!

~drew emborsky~ said...

I'll never eat eggs again... =(

LOL - just kidding!! But I can't guarantee I won't wear tube socks...

Kimberly said...

SSSsssshhhhhh! The walls are listening and big brother is watching...you had best pipe down about this whole subject...I'm warning you.....lets just say we don't want to end up like our dear departed friend.....too late....We are all cracking up!

Catana said...

Durn it! Deneen beat me to it. A twisted children's book with your crochet illustrating it would be the greatest thing since an egg sandwich.

Linda said...

OMG, I'm laughing so hard. I guess I shouldn't share your analysis with my kids...

ladylinoleum said...

My mom called me this morning to let me know that after have read this post it is her belief that I have slipped right off the edge...LOL

Anonymous said...

I love the crochet egg. I teach kindergarten and I am trying to think how I can use the clumsy egg with the nursery rhyme. Do you have a pattern? crocheting teacher

Celeste said...

Needs shell(s)!

Otherwise - LOVE it!

xoxo

Jessi said...

roflmbo.........oh that is too good. I have to say...I love the tube socks. poor humpty.

Anonymous said...

Having taught pre-school for some 19 years and having recited that rhyme at least 3000 times, I was truly getting the impression that something was amiss but just couldn't put my finger on it. I think you have solved the case. Now i think you should look into that Red Riding Hood Chick. I truly have my doubts about her story too corny! How many people do you know that carry goodies in a basket, get real people there are parts of these stories missing. Great work!
Honeybee

Anonymous said...

Having taught pre-school for some 19 years and having recited that rhyme at least 3000 times, I was truly getting the impression that something was amiss but just couldn't put my finger on it. I think you have solved the case. Now i think you should look into that Red Riding Hood Chick. I truly have my doubts about her story too corny! How many people do you know that carry goodies in a basket, get real people there are parts of these stories missing. Great work!
Honeybee

Anonymous said...

Concentrate on what cannot lie.


The evidence.

Kari said...

You see, the King was overweight... The Queen, being the overbearing lady her mother was, decided the King needed to diet. However his love of the incrediable eddible egg led to sneaking out to enjoy this delicable shelled morsel of heaven. the Queen suspected this treachery and followed him, catching him in the act of cheating... on his diet.
Thus a fight ensued and the egg... being the unfortunate one caught in the middle was subsequently tossed off the wall. It was a big cover up to spare the Royal couple any hardship.

Kim Wyatt said...

Personally I always thought he was a thrill seeker who should have known better!

Clearly since he is a high ranking govenment official and his dangerous escapeds are covered by the royal health plan.

So here he is getting all fixed up by all the kings horses (maybe they mean jack****?) and men while everything else gets neglected.

Why else would the king care?

Imp Teaser said...

What a way to channel dementia! I haven't seen everything on the site, but I'm stumbling this, right next to Crochet Dude.
I have yet to so much as finish a scarf, but I just found the motivation I needed. It may take me 'til Christmas to finish a Halloween project, but by then I should be ready to order the turkey bag pattern, just in time for... *next* Thanksgiving.
Off-topic note to Honeybee- You really should check out the movie "Hoodwinked," I think it might provide some answers you're looking for.

Miss.Sue said...

While this is somewhat "after the fact" of your original posting, I suggest that you read "The Big Over Easy", by Jasper FForde, as part of his Nursery Crime series. I think that you would appreciate his quirkiness and the plot of this book is the murder of Humpty Dumpty. It is hard to describe his books, but check out his website..I think you will enjoy it. He has done another series all about people who "live" in books as the characters..and the main character has her very own pet dodo. Anyway, I truly enjoy you take on things...p.s. like another reader, I too teach preschool and have long wondered about this egg.. we have even found "gummy" fried egg candy for the kids..so I am thinking that the egg cuffs need to be next on my list. sue