A new season of SAG screenings is upon us. Now, I realize that to many of you this factoid means little. And I must admit, if I were not married to this man I would be aboard your vessel. However, I am, in fact, married to the guy and he is a card-carrying member of SAG. Add to this mixture that notion that he's really into the free screening thang and you get a picture of my current predicament...companion to husband for said screenings. Try as I might to painlessly extricate myself from these actor-crammed engagements, I am oftentimes unsuccessful at this endeavor for whatever reason. Okay, so my reasons usually involve very important meetings with the Tidy Bowl Man and a very prickly brush. A girl’s got responsibilities you know! Sheesh.
Anyhow, those of you familiar with this here bloggity blog blog may recall posts of SAG screenings past and my reluctant immersion by association into “The Business”. The rest of you newer-bies should heretofore consider yourself officially initiated as you accompany me on my travels through a thespian-populated world that makes a 2” puddle on the street seem deeper than the darkest depths of the Atlantic Ocean for we are now entering the world of stage and screen where a good coif is paramount , curbing caloric intake is scientific method and carrying big ole boxes of headshots in your car is a form of religion. I digress.
Last eve, excuses were no match for the persistant calls of the free film titans. Nosirree! I thought I had made a successful escape when my daughter entered the living room and declared her father MIA thereby prohibiting her return to his domain for the evening. This statement also meant that there would be no need for me to drive her over there, thus making my alibi null and void. At her utterance the hubster then looks to me and says, “So, you both will be able to come with me to the screening tonight…”
To which I absent-mindedly replied, “Uh, yeah, I guess,” immediately feeling the depth and breadth of my faux pas.
I was ensnared in the trap with no hope of escape, so I put on a few of my worst duds that included an old AC/DC tee, hair coiffed in spastic Princess Leia-inspired buns sans make-up, grabbed my daughter and knitting bag and hopped in the car next to the happy hubs. We drove a couple of blocks to our destination…Sure, technically, the screening was close enough to our domicile that we could have easily walked, but this is Los Angeles people! Angelenos are to driving as birds are to flight. We love our cars and spend our entire lives driving around in our metal pods, distance be damned.
Upon arrival at screening central we were met with an ever-growing line made up of a gazillion troupers. This type of situation is generally where my low profile, grunge-inspired garb serves me well. I am anonymous in a crowd of crowd-pleasers…That is, until my loving mate opens his jaws, spilling forth verbiage, joining in the surrounding cacophony while simultaneously introducing me, wife of actor, dressed to less-than-the-nines, sporting spastic Princess Leia-style buns, wishing she were anywhere but there. I had no choice. At that point I could just smile politely, giggle in all the appropriate places and hope to hell the theater doors would open shortly allowing me to escape the din ringing in the latest auditions, how to achieve darker, bronze-r tans, sharing preferred methods of honing one’s craft and yes, my favorite, how fake everyone seems to be is in this town…Tidy Bowl Man, where are you when I need you???
Finally, this bun-donning Lady of the Linoleum was allowed refuge in the darkened theater and just in case, I strategically seated offspring between moi and spouse to deter more participation in actor-logue. Oh save yer snide remarks. I know, shameless…Whatever.
So, what were we there to see inquiring minds want to know?
The 23rd hour of 24 peeps!
Yes, that would be the first part of tonight’s season finale. Here’s what I have to say to all of you fellow 24-ites…Neener, neener, nee-ner!
So, uh yeah, just in case you’re wondering, it’s a cliffhanger…
Hey, at least there was some pay-off for my having to endure a thousand thespians.
Also, since this was an Emmy thang, Jack Bauer, President Logan and the First Lady were all in attendance for a Q&A following the sneak preview. Oh yes, what could be better than impromptu actor-logue preceeding a screening? Scheduled actor-logue succeeding a screening…you know, the kind with an open mic, myriad actors chomping at the bit to perform, err, I mean ask questions of other actors for a crowd of, yes, actors sitting before them?
Come to think of it, I believe there’s an entire cable show based upon this premise…