Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Vegetable Liberation Army Attacked!

Slim: Stout, just received some intel on the VLA that will interest you...

Stout: Yeah, what?

Slim: It appears that there has been an assassination attempt on those fibrous freaks.

Stout: What? When? By who?

Slim: Um, you mean by whom?

Stout: Whatever! Just give me the story already!

Slim: All right, all right! It seems that the freaks were in the process of moving their base of operations, assisted by that Linoleum chick, when they were attacked. By whom, we don't know. What we do know is that some sort of chemical weapon was used in the attack and that it did not kill any of the cell combatants. However, both Carnivorous Carrots and Roadkill Korn were injured. The Carrots apparently lost two of their eyeballs and the flat freak lost its pancaked excuse for an eyeball too. Seems to me, they are probably better lookin' now. *snorting laughter* Anyway, it's rumored that both are in critical condition, held up in some make-shift facility somewhere. Currently, our team is trying to figure out what chemical substance was used in the attack and where the vegetable terrorists are hiding.

Stout: Okay good. I also want to know who or what executed the attack as well.

Slim: Okay, we're on it. Keep you posted.


Scene 2: Super-Secret Westbury Vegetable Clinic

Characters: LadyLinoleum and Mysterious Doctor (Identity to be Revealed)

LadyLinoleum: I removed the affected eyeballs immediately following the attack, but there was fiberfill everywhere! The scene was so gory! I did the best that I could. Do you think you can save them Doctor? Will they survive?

To be continued...

16 comments:

Tara said...

Oh No! I hope they are OK! Damn those anti-veggie terrorists!

ladylinoleum said...

Well Tara they are currently under observation and hopefully they will be able to be made new again once stable enough to undergo surgery. I am consulting with the doctor as I write this. Keep your fingers crossed...

Ro said...

Good god woman don't keep me hanging like this! Will they live...*grabbing Regina's collar and shaking* Will...they...live...??? (shatner vocalizations provided at no extra charge for your entertainment.)

Duh duh duhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (scary music)

waiting for the next installment!!!

you rule the world. no doubt.

Kimberly said...

Sacre bleu! What is this? Zees is an outrage...an outrage I tell you!!

Think...help...known persons who are anti-VLA....its not the Veggie Sting Unit...who else does not like the veggies and their cause...Mon Dieu! Could it be? Regina - have you checked the where abouts of Connie??? She really was against us sending support to the troops....

My prayers are with the VLA in this...their time of suffering, when we realize that not even out veggies are safe from terrorist plots. *hugs*

Kari said...

Say it isn't so?!!!!
Are they OK? How is moral? What supplies do they need? Oh no this is horrible!


*in her best Forrest Kelly voice* "My God Jim, I'm a DR not a Gardner!"

Jessica said...

Oh no!

I suspect vegetarians. You can't trust 'em. Believe me. I know.

Heather said...

No! Not Roadkill Korn! He's my favorite, you've got to save him. :)

ladylinoleum said...

We're working on it over here at the super secret clinic. Have no fear. We have a real expert on the reconstruction job. Bet you can't wait to meet that creature...

Nancy said...

My money is on C.A.T.S :
Carnivores Against Tight Stitching..

I know the brave VLA members are in good hands LL..

Jane said...

Hi, Regina, from the house of chaos and leaking fridges and sticky buns on floors...Could you email me and let me know how much a naked-except-for-a fried-egg-bikini chicken nugget would cost. Thanks. When you have a moment free from your veggies and memorising Julie Andrews' part in the S of M, that is.

CraftyCritter said...

Sitting on the edge of my electric chair.....

Regina, please dont make us stage a sit in....

Granny said...

OMG.... I can't believe it. Who, oh who would do such a thing? Damned anti-veggie terrorist!
I am in a tizzy and the coffee isn't helping. I know, I'll add some bourbon ;)
PLEASE Doctor, save them at all cost.
Pacing the floor with worry in Georgia.

CC said...

From the AP wire.....
Responding to a number of pointed questions regarding the availability of proper combat provisions, the Sec. of State assured members of the VLA that anti chemical warfare packs would be forward to our valiant troops on the frontlines! Supply packs would include assorted sized ziplock baggies, duct tape and "ample" amounts of FIT fruit and vegetable wash...(see http://www.tryfit.com/soak.php)

MomThatsNuts said...

Candles have been lit, would you like me to kill a live chicken? I also know a Buddist, a Baptist and a Christian Scientist...I bet we have you covered......keep us posted!!!!

Mom

Sara said...

You've got a Heeb over here doin' a Mi Sheberach (jewish prayer of healing). Damn all the anti-vegs to hell!

Rebecca said...

what totally cracks me up about this - is that you have a very large number of other-wise rational adults on the edge of their seats... wondering... what will become of the carrot and corn

only you, regina :)