Monday, July 24, 2006

Fear Factor

T-minus two weeks and counting…

My hands hurt. My current level of concentration could be described as fleeting at best. There is also a bounty of butterflies feverishly bouncing about walls of my stomach, which succeed in heightening my present trepidation, causing me to be acutely aware of the fear that resides within the recesses of my Linoleum soul.

Yes, preparing for my part on Uncommon Threads is making me uncommonly uneasy.

Not since my teaching days of standing before a classroom of 40 or so unfamiliar college students on the first day of the semester have I felt quite this way. And no, I’m not suffering from stage fright for I am abnormally comfortable in rooms filled to the rafters with people that I don’t know. In short, I’m not shy and the art of dialog has never been an event that I’ve steered clear of whether the beings with whom I am sharing verbiage are known quantities or completely foreign. Therefore, the butterfly bonanza bouncing about the walls of my stomach cannot be attributed to any performance anxiety.

So, if not stage fright, then what could possibly be bothering your Lady of the Linoleum, you inquire?

Well, if we revisit my inaugural day before a classroom of bright and shiny freshman collegiates, then we may be able to determine the source of my stomach’s butterfly-tis.

Picture this...

LadyLinoleum, a mere 28 years old, tote loaded for bear with art historical tomes painfully tearing humerus away from scapula, two carousels o’slides replete with artworks galore nudged up beneath the armpits, syllabus in tow, 40 or so kissers turned to face young art chick recently liberated from schoolius gradius, waiting for the magic or quite possibly the mishap to spill forth from said art chick’s lips during premiere lecturus maximus.

Now fast-forward a bit…

LadyLinoleum stands before collegiates flipping happily thru abbreviated history of western art while simultaneously spewing forth art speak to beat the band when suddenly she notices that said students are taking notes.

Uh-oh.

They couldn’t possibly be taking notes from my spoken word, could they? Um, well, it’s college and uh, note taking is sort of a classroom ritual in these parts...

Oh.

My.

Lord.

I hope that I am not saying anything that could be, perhaps, in any way, WRONG.

There it is folks, the source of my fear rearing its ugly head. The act of positing myself as an expert when in reality, I’m a hack. Yessiree peeps, you heard it here first. I’m a hack. A creative hack. A gregarious hack. But a hack nonetheless. And I’m okay with inhabiting my hackdom when I’m just exhibiting my creations on this here bloggy, blog, blog or my website (yes, I know I haven’t updated it in a while), but hel-lo! I’m taking my show on the yellow brick road! In living color! Leaving Dorothy in the dust in Munchkinland, while the Wicked Witch of the West tails my crocheted meaty rear all the way to Oz atop her supercharged hook, I mean, broom, cackling at the spectacle of this here art chick trying to inspire the masses to take up hook and yarn and create…the “right way”! The “educated way”! The “CGOA way”! Whatever that is.

Hey I’m a hack, remember?

I can see it now, DIY aficionados and crochet experts alike, having seen my needlework nuttery on the show, later label me as a crochet cretin. A doily dumbass. A simpleton with a steel hook. That is my fear. And that, my friends, is contributing heavily to my butterfly-tis.

Now, I’ve heard it said that the difference between leaders and followers is simply how fear is handled. Leaders, I am told, do not let fear obstruct them from attaining their goals no matter the circumstances surrounding the situation. These people just proceed forward, all the while thumbing their noses at fear’s frown. Followers, I hear, are more likely to let fear prohibit them from taking that shaky first step out onto the plank of the unknown, suspended precariously over the abyss, outcome uncertain.

Despite my sometimes debilitating fear, this is why I push forward. Not that I believe myself to be the leader of crocheters everywhere. Not in the least. However, I am a risk-taker. And we who take risks are similar to leaders in the sense that fear will not be our undoing. So, hack or no, I will follow the yellow brick road all the way to the studios of Screen Door Entertainment located in midtown Oz, hook and thread at the ready, giving the virtual Wick Witch of the West and the culture of fear she propagates a good nose-thumbing. And I will survive. I may even prevail.

Sore hands be damned and butterflies beware for in the inveterate words of ye olde green one, "I’ll get you my pretties…"

32 comments:

Ellen Bloom said...

Oh! You're going to be GREAT!!! You are an expert! Don't let anyone tell you different!!!

Brandy said...

I think it will do more than survive... !!!

briana said...

Yeah, um, but you're a hack with an MFA... which I believe qualifies you as NOT A HACK.

Deneen said...

You are being your own worst enemy! You rock and you know it-just be yourself!

Debbie said...

A hack? Sister, you're a bona-fide, court-approved expert witness when it comes to crocheted meats. Only you could possibly attest to the merits and challenges of creating a guerilla army of surly vegetables. You found a yarn that faithfully reproduces the effect of embers on a grill, for heaven's sake! Who the hell else are we going to ask about such things?? Trust me, if I were to ask your average fiber "expert" to explain how best to fashion pimentos for an olive loaf shawl, I'd be sucked into the vortex of their blank stare for eternity.

You'll be fine.

Jerry & Maxy said...

If the fear helps motivate you, press on!

If not, breathe deeply, and know you aren't driving a yellow mini van for hire.

mk said...

Lady, I hear you. Doing KG, my hands hurt, my eyes were crossing, and I really really hope they edited out a bit where I may have *looked* peeved at Vickie (but I wasn't! I adore her!), and I barely got to meet my knitsters.

SDE has some great segment producers and the whole crew will be working as a team to keep you on track. As for what viewers will think later...you know, there will always be some people who just aren't going to be happy and will find something to pick at (because there's only one way to crochet - THEIR way). They will be overwhelmed by the hordes of viewers who are going to think you are a fabulous artist and human being. Keep in mind that the target audience for Uncommon Threads includes *you* and wouldn't you like to see a creative, fun-loving artist on the show?

Wendy said...

I am a hack, too. Embrace your inner hack it is what makes you, you and is how you got to where you are. You are an example that there is no wrong way in crochet. I wish I had the DIY network. I must look into how much more that will be a month. I think you have normal nerves there. Just keep pushing forward.

Rose said...

I'll be takin' notes!

lisa s said...

you are no hack....

you are going to shine... can't wait!!

[and also wondering about this doily fever??]

smg55039 said...

I'm a hack crocheter. I don't let it bother me.
I accepted it a long time ago. I'm a happier person for it.

Embrace your hackiness. It makes you unique.

Jennifer said...

You are not a hack. If I'm wrong and you are, you would have to be the most brillant hack in the history of the world. You make things that look like grill embers. You make corn with a big old eyeball on it. You are awesome. I wish I could put you to work making things for my fundraiser. Cool things. Strange things.
Also, if I had to do a TV show, I would die. Actually die. You are brave and awesome. I wish we got DIY so I could see your show. Good luck!

susan said...

ooooh and you will get their little dogs too! you will be marvy dear. just marvy.
we all know that!
just
B U

SheCrochets said...

I admit, I would be terrified... but then again, I don't have the creative chops that you do! DUDE! The meats! The veggies! You'll kick butt!

~drew emborsky~ said...

What you will be teaching isn't crochet, it's breaking free of the boundaries we all feel we must maintain. THAT, my dear, you are very good at, and you are a beacon for those of us who desire more from our hooks & fibers.

Tara said...

I've considered the odd criticism of my artwork over the years to be a great compliment. Afterall, they're just jeleous. Or at least that's what I say to myself so that I keep going. ;)
Not that anyone will say anything bad about you. We're all just dying to see you in real live color, lol.
Speaking of which....will those of us without access to that channel be able to see this show online anywhere?

Rebecca said...

you are going to be absolutely out of this world fantastic!
a hack - there is nothing further from the truth! you are a creative genius - an inspiration!!

Sue said...

Hack, schmack! It's your creativity that will inspire and you've got that in abundance! You'll do great! I don't get DIY and am throwing a huge tantrum!

Starfish said...

No one who crochets bacon could POSSIBLY be a simpleton. You are fabulous my dear and anyone would be lucky to hear you speak about your craft.

Now can someone TIVO it for me 'cause I don't get DIY. Rats!

Ruby said...

You are going to be sensational! I too,would like to know if the show can be seen online. I don't have cable.

Anonymous said...

It isn't fear. It is your usual aim for perfection, hunger for wider recognition and the thrill of the moment. If all this doesn't scare me, then..what does?

FinnyKnits said...

I am inspired! I am blown away! and I'm ready to watch you shine! How could anyone challenge your meaty know-how? They could not. You are a crocheting meat magician.

Julie said...

No worries, there is a great big disclaimer posted during the show that basically says "we don't guarantee that any project on this show is actually do-able". I've been watching (preparing for my debut on the 7th) and everyone is just people doin' it their own way. So, again no worries. Oh, and you'll hear Allison Whitlock actually say "no worries". I liked it so much I say it now. It just seems to sum up the meaning so well.

stuffed said...

You're in good company; we're all hacks. I prefer to think of nervousness/anxiety/etc. as excitement. Think of Rocky and enjoy the sweet anticipation. :)

Imaginary Maggie said...

Rose cracks me up.

A Hack is a person who pretends to be smarter and more talented than they are. You are a person with so much talent, imagination, inspiration, and brains that you are capable of standing in front of a bunch of "hacks" and blowing their socks off.

natasha said...

you are a hack and george w is pressie? what? as an art snob...you are NOT a hack and you insult hacks by saying that. whatever that means. you will rock. it is not possible for you not to rock. and as i said, i am a snob. and i think you are not only the real thing, but an utter badass in anything creative or otherwise. word to your mutha!

Dharia said...

I am going to be on the same show, and i feel EXACTLY the same way! i have no qualifications that make me an expert on my topic. i feel like a huge poser. i'm so glad i'm not the only one. thank you!

Amie said...

I'm nervous too. So that's two of us. What dates will you be out there? From my recollection, it's not the same time as Drew, Pam, and I. We're next week...Wed. - Friday.

Amie said...

I see, so that's why you met them in advance. Who are you working with? We had Melody and now we have Judy.

We fly in on Wednesday and fly out Friday night. Your first one is this Monday? Oh, be sure to post your experiences! I'd be intereted in hearing how it went for you. I know that since last year, they are planning on shooting things a little bit differently than last year. I was hoping, and Drew too, that they didn't try to make it like, "That's Clever," or as I call it, "That Cheesy." Not because of the projects, but because of how cheesy the production is.

I'll be happy to have this done and over with. The supense of the unknown is killing me, and plus I have a million other things to attend to, ya know? I feel like I've dropped the ball on my own stuff to do this and my days off before school begins (and reality sets in) again are dwindling away.

ladylinoleum said...

We're working with Lorelei. How many producers do they have for this show I wonder???

Oh, I will post it. You betcha. Yeah, Monday. But then we don't shoot again until 9/1. This is like torture I tell ya!

I'm with ya on the getting it over with feeling. Absolutely.

Amie said...

Well, we had Melody and then she was gone. Poof. Gone. I'm in my car pulling up to the driveway and the phone rings. I recognize the number and answer it (otherwise, leave a message and if it's important, I'll call back). I answered expecting to hear Melody and it was Judy informing me that she's our new producer. It was a suprise indeed and I feared it would be like starting all over again, but it hasn't been like that. THANK GOD. I wouldn't have had the patience considering all that I've already put into this. We have 3 episodes, so it's weighing on me.

Good luck on Monday and I'm looking forward to hearing how it went! If you get nervous, just remember to breath. It's vital. Ha!

caro said...

Break a leg, you'll do great! I'm more freaking out about what to wear than I am about demonstrating the projects. Or maybe it's that I'm not thinking about that part yet. Gah!