Cinematic Liaisons

It was a weekend filled with activity: mediocre movies, meals at three separate dining establishments, new hair, bold hair and yes, razor cut hair. What do all of these things have in common besides me, your hostess with the mostess, LadyLinoleum? My husband (and the crowd cheers)! No really, he's an actor, cheers are what this guy lives for...

This is my husband:



This is my husband as a puppet:



And this is my husband with with a wookie:



Mr. Linoleum...Not LordLinoleum. No. Much like Queen Elizabeth has her Prince Phillip, I have my Mr. Linoleum - very important to retain my title, rights and priviledges despite having taken marital vows...I digress.

Now, before the photographic moment with the wookie, Peter and I dragged our very tired bodies over to the Director's Guild to go see "Kingdom of Heaven" with the Friday night Lipitor crowd (read old actors). Now, I know what you're all thinking, cool, movies at the Director's Guild with all those stars! Oh. My. God! What an amazing experience, right? Well, err, no. Not really. The Screen Actors Guild has lots of stars, but they also have lots of career extras and elderly actors or worse yet, eldery career extras. Once in SAG, they have to dynamite 'em to get them out. So, as Hallmark would say, SAG is forever. Ahhh, touching...Believe me, rarely do we see the likes of Ed Harris or Russell Crowe walk into the DGA for a SAG screening.

So, the Lipitor crowd...even though they are pushing 70 and riddled with high cholesterol, hip surgeries and thick reading glasses, those actors are still actors, always willing to tell you about their next show/movie/audition, their last show/movie/audition, their future show/movie/audition and the show/movie/audition they were in 15, 20, 30 years ago.

I try not to make eye contact.

Fortunately, for me, I have my husband with me who is also, yes, an actor and yes, he is there to integrate me into the conversation. Like it. Or not. And guess what my husband likes to talk about? You got it! His next show/movie/audition, his last show/movie/audition, his future show/movie/audition and the movie that got him his SAG card. The other thing that my husband has in common with this crowd is medication. Prescription drugs, oh yeah. With this crowd the only thing better than talking about your past, current and future show/movie/audition is, you guessed it, how much Lipitor, Prevacid or Maalox (okay, it's over the counter, but equally as interesting to throw into your litany of drugs taken daily) you down at regular hourly intervals. No, this is no ordinary movie going experience. Not. At. All. Did I tell you yet that you have to arrive at the theater one hour before your show begins? No? well, yes. You do. And so, the past/present/future/show/movie/audition/Lipitor/Prevacid/Maalox group disco lasts for THE ENTIRE TIME. Yes, it does.

I tried myriad ways to avoid the conversation, sometimes crocheting or knitting while waiting for a film to begin, but this called more attention to myself (someone always asked me what I was making to which I would reply, a giant squid or a lifesize pirate - wrong answer - I should have said scarf, hat, glove - those items do not provoke discussion the way giant squid or pirate do) and then it was all over. The past/present/future/show/movie/audition/Lipitor/Prevacid/Maalox group disco would grab hold of me and suck me into the medicated abyss.

I tried reading and even while doing that my husband would eventually tap me on the shoulder in order to introduce me to one of his fellow raconteurs for good measure or need third party verification of some anecdotal gem he was fleshing out for the crowd. Damn him...

Currently I pretend to be asleep. So far, so good.

So, "Kingdom of Heaven", two mediocre thumbs sideways. Not bad, but not really good either. Bummer, because I like Ridley Scott and hey, Orlando Bloom is really looking good there.

The following night we were off to the people's theater in Hollywood (the old Cinerama Dome). Okay, I make fun of the Lipitor crowd, but there is something to be said for seeing movies with a bunch of actors. NO ONE TALKS DURING A FILM. Not a peep. And they don't let you eat in the Director's Guild either because opening candy or chomping your popcorn distracts from the viewing experience (I miss the popcorn, but whatever). Then there is the theater for the rest of us. Those rules DO NOT APPLY. But you do get wookies making photo appearances and as many milk duds as your jaw can withstand.

At the people's venue we saw Star Wars. I am a big ole scifi fan. I will watch rerun after rerun of Stargate SG-I (yes, McGyver is in this show and yes, every planet in and around our solar system looks like British Columbia, so what) but man, Revenge of the Sith ain't no Episode 4.

It takes talent to hit two mediocre movies in one weekend and live to tell the tale, but we did it. We rounded out the two day movie-fest with Bloody Mary's at Sunday brunch and new do's, hairdo's that is. Mine, a lovely deep red razor cut (not as scary as it sounds), while the hubby is sportin' a tragically hip bed-head do.

So, I didn't get to crochet much this weekend. I will be playing catch-up this week with all of the churros and chickens that I need to churn out. I will do it though. I am motivated. Christmas, birthdays and orders await!