July Month of Softies - Sock Monkeys

This MOS theme was easy because I was able to use an existing softie that I made last year. One of these days we can discuss my sock monkey collection for which I made this lovely addition. Yes, I have a sock monkey collection. Big surprise there! At any rate, meet the topsy-turvy monkey doll:



In touch with both masculine and feminine side, this monkey is quite well adjusted and need not spend any hard earned dollars on the therapist's couch. I hand sewed this guy/gal using four pairs of socks.



Mr. Monkey is sporting a fez and vest made from felt in addition to an embroidered unibrow and mustache.



Ms. Monkey is adorned with gorgeous crocheted curls, embroidered eyelashes and a lovely beanie with a pompom. Oh, and she has cute little floral-shaped boobies! Yes, she's flat, but endowed nonetheless. I sewed a reversible skirt to separate the two monkey genders and Voila! A monkey sans identity crisis!

Copyright 2005 Regina Rioux Gonzalez. All rights reserved.

I'm baaaaack....

We're in the new condo! Yay!!!!! I've yet to find the exact spot to house each and all of our things, but that will come in time. The most important issues are taken care of:

1. our cable modem has been hooked up (it is really difficult to live without the internet for 5 days);
2. our animals are adjusting nicely; and
3. everything in my studio space is put away so that I can work in there (this for me is more important than being able to cook)!

Anyway, I will start posting regularly this week. I've missed blogging and blogstalking!!! I have TONS of email and I've received lots of stuff for the VLA - Jessica and Ro I received your packages and I've not had a chance to even open them yet, but I will...Thank you!!! Hopefully I will get to some emails tomorrow and reply to some of my comments. I am totally happy to be back. You've no idea. Hugs all around!

Go visit the orbs...

Check out how our friend the ostomy bag is doing in its new home. Who knew a crocheted bag full of eyeballs could inspire this! You go Lori!

Also, just wanted to let everyone know that I am moving Wednesday and things are a little nutso over here at Chez Linoleum. So, a HUGE thank you to everyone who has left me comments or emails. I am reading them, just a little too fried to answer right now. Anyway, you all ROCK! Muchos besitos!

Computer gets disconnected tomorrow night and won't be connected again until Friday. Until then, have a wonderful week everyone and wish me good moving karma 'cuz I freakin' HATE moving!!!

Poo Poo Kitty (yes, that is the name of my cat, don't laugh) hates to move too because that would mean that she would actually have to, um, err, move, a state of being this cat is very unfamiliar with.

The Doctor Is In

In our last episode we were left hanging off the proverbial cliff. Will Carnivorous Carrots and Roadkill Korn survive the brutal attack that foiled the Vegetable Liberation Army's smooth hideout move? And who is the mysterious doctor LadyLinoleum was last seen conversing with about the critically injured commandos? Will we learn who perpetrated this heinous act on our Veggie friends? Let's see...

Scene 2: Super-Secret Westbury Vegetable Clinic

LadyLinoleum: I removed the affected eyeballs immediately following the attack, but there was fiberfill everywhere! The scene was so gory! I did the best that I could. Do you think you can save them Doctor? Will they survive?

Dr. Manuel Mangoes: Don't worry your weak human mind too much LadyLinoleum. You didn't mess up the patients too much with your feeble surgical methods. It seems fate has shined brightly upon you dear Lady because Dr. Manuel Mangoes is on the case! As you know, I am reputed as being the world's foremost Fruit and Vegetable surgeon and researcher. Some call me a mad scientist, but those individuals are just jealous. For example, there were some in the scientific community that feigned shame when I invented Broccliflower, like it was some sort of Veganstein's monster or some such nonsense!

Can you believe that?

I prefer to see Broccliflower as a sort of light green super hero with robust florettes! I mean, how else should one characterize such an amazing specimen???

LadyLinoleum: Doctor please, if I thought you were a crackpot, I would have sought help elsewhere. Please, I need to know if you are able to save my friends!

Dr. Manuel Mangoes: Oh, sorry Lady. I do tend to get carried away at times...If anyone can save those two, It is I! And with the help of my assistant, Experimento, your friends will surely survive and thrive!



LadyLinoleum: That is such a relief to hear Doctor. I will inform the rest of the VLA right away. However, I must know first...Are you able to tell me how you intend to accomplish this huge task? How long will their individual reconstructions take? Recovery time? Will either Veggie ever see again?



Dr. Manuel Mangoes: I can feel your anxiety Lady, but you must have faith in my abilities to save your friends. I will not lie to you. Your friends are badly injured, but I've dealt with worse. I can assure you that I will do everything in my power to not only save your friends, but give them both a new lease on life. Now please, go have a seat in the waiting room and relax. There is a wonderful article about me in this month's Journal of Vegetable Medicine. Immerse yourself in that very good read, if I do say so myself, and I should be out of surgery before you know it with an update.

LadyLinoleum: Okay Dr. Mangoes. I will do my best to relax a bit and let you work your miracles.

LadyLinoleum makes her way down the clinic corridor, her heart racing, stomach in knots, hoping that her beloved Vegetable friends will be okay.

The liquid in Experimento's test tube body begins to bubble with anticipation at the impending task.



Dr. Manuel Mangoes takes off his lab coat so that he may change into his scrubs.



Stay tuned...

Copyright 2005 Regina Rioux Gonzalez. All rights reserved.

I am from...

Came across renditions of this poem on a few blogs recently. Both Red Current and Pea Soup have superb examples IMHO. Each version left me in a state of quiet awe and gave me further insight into their respective worlds. I love that! So, having been completely inspired by these wonderfully creative women, I figured I'd give the exercise a go. My version follows.

I am from...

I am from popsicle sticks and paste, from the fin of the mermaid who swims abreast the Chicken of the Sea and from the test kitchen of Chef Boyardee.

I am from walls swathed in dark chocolate, trimmed in whisper white, where birds greet the day in a chorus of beeps, tweets and squawks, wrapped in a quilted harvest of golden paisley, red and blue.

I am from the withering orchid upon the windowsill, the moss covered stone.

I am from turkeys stuffed with pumpkins and wild mushrooms and from quick wit, dry humor and quiet desperation, from Richard Henry and Suzanne Victoria, from Mr. and Mrs. Newhall.

I am from the unbridled suffering of a king and the uncensored survival of his queen.

From six to one, half a dozen or the other and I am not your friend, I am your father.

I am from the devout catholic and the secular humanist.

I'm from El Valle de San Fernando and the mythos of Transylvania, oil-sodden potato chips and cremated macaroni and cheese.

From the sister who tumbled down the hill, parents whose eyes rolled in disbelief at the young girl’s tale and a grandfather who paid quiet witness to the folderal, silence belies guilt by association.

I am from walls adorned with cherubic cheeks and curly mahogany locks, myriad landscapes, travels of yesteryear, and ancestors making memories, all at the ready to spring from their wooden confines begging to be unearthed, relived and experienced anew.

Vegetable Liberation Army Attacked!

Scene 1: Vegetable Sting Unit Headquarters

Characters: Special Agent Stout and Special Agent Slim

Slim: Stout, just received some intel on the VLA that will interest you...

Stout: Yeah, what?

Slim: It appears that there has been an assassination attempt on those fibrous freaks.

Stout: What? When? By who?

Slim: Um, you mean by whom?

Stout: Whatever! Just give me the story already!

Slim: All right, all right! It seems that the freaks were in the process of moving their base of operations, assisted by that Linoleum chick, when they were attacked. By whom, we don't know. What we do know is that some sort of chemical weapon was used in the attack and that it did not kill any of the cell combatants. However, both Carnivorous Carrots and Roadkill Korn were injured. The Carrots apparently lost two of their eyeballs and the flat freak lost its pancaked excuse for an eyeball too. Seems to me, they are probably better lookin' now. *snorting laughter* Anyway, it's rumored that both are in critical condition, held up in some make-shift facility somewhere. Currently, our team is trying to figure out what chemical substance was used in the attack and where the vegetable terrorists are hiding.

Stout: Okay good. I also want to know who or what executed the attack as well.

Slim: Okay, we're on it. Keep you posted.

Scene 2: Super-Secret Westbury Vegetable Clinic

Characters: LadyLinoleum and Mysterious Doctor (Identity to be Revealed)

LadyLinoleum: I removed the affected eyeballs immediately following the attack, but there was fiberfill everywhere! The scene was so gory! I did the best that I could. Do you think you can save them Doctor? Will they survive?

To be continued...

July Boo-tay

The Veggies are in the process of collecting their GENEROUS donations. You philanthropists know who you are! When all of the loot has arrived at the hideout, the VLA gang will model it for all of you Vegetable Loyalists out there. Stay tuned!

For now, we can just peruse LadyLinoleum's recently acquired stash...

First is a small, but dangerous little guy crocheted by our own Jessica! Meet Gary, the shifty-eyed kumquat:



Upon arrival, Gary met up with Killer Korn and was soon enlisted into the VLA. Due to his shifty vision, Killer Korn thought Gary would make a splendid look-out at the VLA hideout. Gary agreed and began training with the rest of the VLA gang. Currently, this little kumquat dude has finished basic training and been taken under the collective leaves of Raging Red Cabbage and Tossed Salad in order to um, err, refine his newly acquired combatant skills. Gary sends his regards to you Jessica and thanks you for seeing his true fibrous combatant potential.

Next up. The Sampler! More indie craft stuff loaded into one package and mailed directly to your door than anyone can imagine. Take a looksee:



Did you notice the eyeball pin???

Sara, mother of Hooked, and just an all 'round amazing crocheter and person sent me this little giftie 'cuz she knows I have a penchant for argyle (green argyle no less):



Thanks Sara! I will definitely use this for my hooks. You're right, it's the perfect size!

And finally, furthering my quest to collect as many chickens as possible, I begged Lynn to swap with me - a Monster Crochet nekked chicken nugget for this:



How awesome is this lovely yellow hen? And two chicken buttons to boot! Wooohooo!

You crocheted a what???

Yep, it's an ostomy bag.

Okay, I know you all think I have lost the few marbles I have left, but no, I am completely (well, relatively) sane. I was COMMISSIONED by our own Lori (of Shrone-dom glory) to work-up this dee-lightful creation. Hi Lori!

Never one to turn down a challenge, I figured what the hey I'll give it a try. Lori sent me a few pics of an actual bag to work from along with measurements and I hit the ground running.

Upon first viewing of the examples Lori sent, I knew that (i) I really wanted her to be able to see the bag contents from the outside and (ii) that I would need to incorporate eyeball(s) at her request.

Actual ostomy bag:



For a few weeks I was really married to the idea of incorporating clear vinyl to make Lori's bag creation seem more real, but ditched that concept after realizing that vinyl doesn't have much give and reality is overrated anyway! Alternatively, I opted for a market bag or netted bag approach. I didn't want the interior contents (some of my wondrous spherical bundles of joy - five eyeballs with curlicue nerve-endings) to get smushed. Looking at the final product now, I know that I made the right decision. The netting lets the viewer see that something is, in fact, inside the bag, but not so clearly as to give the contents completely away. There is some mystery there. And I for one CRAVE mystery when looking at the contents of an ostomy bag. LOL

My version of an ostomy bag:



Subbed eyeball for opening on original bag:



Contents revealed:





Need something odd, interesting or a even bit wacko crocheted? Who ya gonna call? LADYLINOLEUM.

At your service...

Copyright 2005 Regina Rioux Gonzalez. All rights reserved.

The Hills Were Alive With The Sound of Music - The Hollywood Hills That Is...

Ever been to see that infamous interactive cinematic delight otherwise known as the Rocky Horror Picture Show? Okay, good. Ever been to that other infamous interactive cinematic delight known to fans worldwide as The Sound of Music? No? Oh, c'mon now! Yes, it is a cinematic masterpiece. Yes, it is definitely a delight. And yes, for the last six years in a row the Hollywood Bowl has been producing the annual Sound of Music Sing-A-Long to sell-out audiences making this generational favorite much more than just mere film. In fact, I posit the Hollywood Bowl has helped rocket this film into its current status: interactive cinematic phenomena.

Let me preface the rest of this entry with one important fact: I love the Hollywood Bowl! As a native Angeleno, I've spent many a summer evening (for as long as memory serves) under the stars, nestled in the bosom of the golden Hollywood Hills, gazing at the historic bright Bowl shell, listening to the sweet sounds of the LA Philharmonic or the ever-so consistent Hollywood Bowl Orchestra, oftentimes combined with pyrotechnic wonders even Gandalf would be proud of. Summers at the Hollywood Bowl are a right of passage for any self-respecting Angeleno. Even if the symphony is not your thing, you can bask in the glow of many au courant performers such as Femi Kuti, Oasis or Dead Can Dance (I am definitely getting tix for this Lisa Gerard/Brendan Perry extravaganza - I know I am so 80's, early 90's, whatev-a).

Oh, almost forgot. Sacre bleu! Audience members are required to bring their picnic baskets loaded for bear accompanied by cases of wine and beer (well, we bring cases - hey, it's a long night) or hard liquor if that's your drug of choice. Just kidding...You're not required to join the leagues of picnickers and/or drinkers, but it IS tradition to bring your accoutrements to the Bowl or alternatively looking the looooooooser! And anyway, it's fun! So there.

The newly renovated Bowl shell:







The Bowl shell taken with my camera phone after having a few sips (yes, sips) of wine:















Sit back a moment and picture this: it's a beautifully cool summer evening under the stars, complete with good friends, laughter and a fabulous movie projected on a screen that rivals the one in Zeus' home theater on Mount Olympus. Oh yeah, and there's wine (just in case you've forgotten already). As I stated above, the vino was flowin', so much so that we ditched our Dixie cups in exchange for Slurpee straws. Ah, that's better. Anyone got an IV??? Anyway, there were cabernets and pinots, merlots and sauvignons, chardonnays and even some white zinfandels (charlatans). Now, combine two hours of pre-film drinking, eating, and blissful merriness, shaken not stirred. The result? A well lit crowd that sings, well, more like BELTS OUT, those beloved Rogers and Hammerstein tunes immediately recalling memories of days gone by where nuns sing incessantly and steal carburetors, children wear drapery, couples tryst in gazebos...oh, and Nazis abound. However, nothing chases away an evil Nazi faster than a Julie Andrews tune sung off key by the tone-deaf drunk in the seat next to you. You see, consuming several bottles of wine is a PUBLIC SERVICE. Bet ya didn't know that...thank you LadyLinoleum for showing us the way. Your very welcome.

Did I mention the props? OMG, I've forgotten about those. I am sufficiently detoxed. Really, I am. Anyway, upon entering the seating area at the Bowl, trying desperately to wheel our dolly of wine crates successfully through the crowd, we were handed our bags of props for use during the film. The flimsy, yet FREE, neon yellow plastic bags of goodness containing: (i) a card with a pic of Maria on one side and the erudite term, flibbertigibbit, on the other; (ii) a card with a large question mark on one side and pic of a will o'the wisp on the other side (we were told upon examination by our host for the evening, Reba star Melissa Peterman, that this image was in fact a will o'the wisp and thank God she enlightened us - believe me, it would have troubled me the entire evening, had she not shown us the way); (iii) an invitation to the ball given by that hottie Christopher Plummer and his soon-to-be-thrown-to-the-curb fiance, the Baroness; (iv) a little plastica champagne popper for use during the first kiss between Hottie and Maria; (v) a swatch of drapery; and (vi) a highly pertinent piece o'pvc edelweiss. Think G-Rated Rocky Horror people.

It's all about the props (yes, in addition to the wine).

In fact, my mother looked on in awe as I flawlessly rendered my card-flashing performance of How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria. I was amazing. Knowing each and every instance when to flash each card, the correct side with the correct song lyric even. Okay, so I practiced. So what.

Other memorable moments:

• the entire audience waving their lit cell-phones (new school version of waving cig lighters) in the air during a heart-wrenching version of Edelweiss;
• hearing my 12 year old daughter yell (um, scream) YOU GO MARIA, when Julie Andrews tells Christopher Plummer that she will not answer to a whistle;
• counting how many times someone in our group accidentally kicked an open bottle of wine thereby spilling the entire contents remaining in said bottle onto the concrete beneath our feet (hel-lo, this is why we bring ca-ses);
• watching my mom laugh and have a spectacular time despite the tough year she's been having; and
• feeling the warmth of my husband and daughter as they snuggled up next to me in the cooling evening.

It was an entire evening spent laughing, crying, reciting entire portions of film dialog (okay, so I'm a nerd), waiting for the perfect moment to run up the hill to the bathrooms (wine, have mercy on my bladder) and of course in song. For those of you not familiar with the lyrics to the ballads in the Sound of Music (shame on you) the wonderful Hollywood Bowl runs a version of the film with the lyrics shown at the bottom of the screen. For the Maria-loving veteran like myself, it's all about singing in your loudest operatic soprano, flashing your cards to the songs, waving your edelweiss in the air and loving the fact that you're hanging out with family and friends, indelibly etching the entire experience upon your memory for future recall because in a world filled with war, famine, disaster and suffering, sometimes the only ray of light shining through the mire is the memory of that evening you spent at the Hollywood Bowl, surrounded by loved ones, singing as loudly as you can, smiling beneath the stars...

Splat the Supa' Phlat Fly

You've met Supa' Fly. Now meet Splat the Supa' Phlat Fly, cousin to the original flying eyeballed wonder.



Splat's image is solely attributable to an um, err, accidental meeting with a windshield, but because of his supa' genes he survived and now thrives. Often he and and Supa' Fly can be spotted buzzing around the neighborhood looking for goodies (rotting food is a much loved goody) in one of the local rubbish containers.

Amazingly, Splat can still fly though his movement resembles that of a Frisbee as opposed to his cousin's helicopter flight style. In addition to his unique flying style, Splat can also slip under doors undetected, double as a blanket when Supa' Fly catches a chill or can even serve as a coaster for any human coffee table, a very marketable skill that provides him with continuous employment opportunities.

Please welcome Splat to the Monster Crochet cast of characters!

Splat's Crochet Stats:

• Splat's phlat eyeball is made with DMC size 8 perle cotton (white & pupil) and Artfabrik size 8 thread (iris), crocheted in the round and embroidered (veins) using chain stitch after fastening off.
• Splat's body is made from J&P Coats Metallic Knit-Cro-Sheen in size 10 black.
• Wings are crocheted using Artfabrik's Lime Frappe colorway in size 8.
• Pattern by moi.

Cordelia over at Crochetville suggested I make some maggots to accompany these fly guys. You all know that idea is right up my alley. Stay tuned!

Copyright 2005 Regina Rioux Gonzalez. All rights reserved.

Shrone Status!

Here's what I found in my inbox yesterday:

Dear Lady Linoleum (aka Regina),

I'm pleased to inform you that you have been selected as a esteemed recipient of The Bona Fide Shrone Award. I've determined that you possess many of the salient characteristics of a Shrone! Here are the reasons why you are a Shrone:

1. Not only do you create amazing crocheted veggies, chickens, and fruits, you adorn them with wonderfully disturbing eyeballs.
2. Anyone who calls themself Lady Linoleum is definitely a Shrone!
3. Your blog is so awesome and provides much needed humor.
4. You have awesome creative talent that makes you a Super Shrone.
5. Something about you says when you get old and withered, you just
might go out cruising for penis!
6. You are unknowable.
7. You proudly crochet and are a Hillbilly Knitter!
8. You are kind and generous.
9. You're one groovy chick and I think you are super cool!
10. You haven't killed your inner child and you freely allow it out to play.

Yours in Shronedom!
Lori

P.S. Your distinguished Bona Fide Shrone card will be sent to you shortly.
Feel free to post and brag about your Shrone status! To assist you, I've
provided the attached button proclaiming your Shronedom to place on your
blog!

Okay, I feel like I've arrived...

Thank you Lori!

Very, very proud of my new status!!!!!

Hillbilly Knitters Unite!

On June 12th I wrote about feeling marginalized in our own crafty community of needleworkers simply because I choose to crochet my creations instead of knit them (Knitting Yarn???). This sparked a spirited discussion about us crochet-teers and how we must band together proudly and loudly behind our craft wielding hooks, doilies and afghans in front of the masses, taking our rightful place in the needleworkers' hall of fame.

We've been called Hillbilly Knitters on message boards by those who simply don't understand our place in the lineage of needle arts as Renee so aptly pointed out. This term, though meant to be derogatory and slanderous has conversely been embraced by us crochet-teers, giving us a term to rally around and shout from the rooftops! We are proud to be Hillbilly Knitters! Kari expands upon the definition our newly adopted group identity below:

Hillbilly Knitters (male and female) would be grass roots, salt of the earth knitters, nothing fancy, not yarn snobbish (ok we ALL have some yarn snob in us we just don't want to admit it), but rough and tumble - can knit through a tornado and not get ruffled type of knitter.

Are you a Hillbilly Knitter? Join the ranks and help us show our force in numbers! Take this button, save it to your server and display it proudly on your blog and/or website.



Then read and share your stories with the rest of us. Check out Hooked, a new blog project masterminded by Sara, for crocheters to bond through individual stories and shared experiences. Also, read BellaLinda's current post. It's not to be missed!

Postscript - To all you self-defined KNITTERS ONLY out there, pull up a chair, a hook and some yarn. We Hillbillies will greet you with some chicory coffee, or a latte if you please, and some good conversation. Before you know it, you'll be makin' a few chains, then a doily or two, hell, even a hat or a scarf. You may find that we aren't that different afterall. We all come together for the love of yarn and a strong addiction to makin' stuff. You may even find the Hillbilly Knitter lurking inside you...

Hillbilly Knitters UNITE!

Support the Troops

Killer Korn here. For those of you unfamiliar with me, I am the leader of the Vegetable Liberation Army or VLA for short. I come to you today on behalf of my VLA brethren to ask you for your assistance. As you may or may not know, our valiant band of stems, leaves, roots and seedpods have been the sole defenders of a produce population subjugated and terrorized, mutilated and sacrificed, boiled and roasted, seared and barbecued, flayed, fried, blanched and marinated, often cruelly bathed in a molten hot sea of phlegmatic Velveeta hell, our only purpose in life to be gorged and consumed by those titans of tyranny otherwise known as humans. Radicalized and becoming legitimized, our plight is being seen, heard and felt by not only our brethren, but those not of our ilk who share a common vision of a produce population living a life devoid of fear, chopped salads and human incisors. We are proud to be produce and we're here to stay. (See VLA Manifesto for more information.)

Waging armed insurrection is not only dangerous, but time-consuming and expensive as well. It takes gainfully employed veggies and a swollen war chest to fight human tyranny. In both situations, we VLA combatants find ourselves severely lacking. For example, there aren't many options in today's job market for an average ear of corn such as myself, unless you call jumping into a vat of boiling water, being swathed in cheap margarine and served up on a Dixie plate at your local county fair a viable option. Not only is the compensation meager for this career path, but it is difficult to collect a paycheck from the bottom of a filthy trashcan, kernels violently torn from your cob, in seething pain, dying a slow and tortured death. Oh, I've applied for less dangerous positions, but to no avail. Recently, I attempted to get a job at the local movie theater, desperate to collect a wage that didn't involve being fodder for the human palate, only to be turned away by the manager saying that theater-goers would be less likely to purchase an extra-large bucket of popcorn from its progenitor. And so it goes for the unemployed produce combatant.



So, we come to you today with our plea for help. However, we are not so crass that we ask you to open your pocketbooks to us. Poor sprouts yet proud sprouts, we ask you to open your hearts, your minds and your collective creative vision instead. Recently, the VLA has had the good fortune to acquire a stealth hideout that serves as both high tech nerve center and barracks, but to our dismay we lack both the high tech and the beds, among other items, to make this black ops planning facility a true nerve center and home. We are industrious fibrous beings, but are currently operating at less than maximum capacity and as a result are unable take our vision of fruit and vegetable freedom and liberty worldwide without your help.









We need basic staples and rations to survive, thrive and continue with our plans of world-wide domination, um, err, I mean freedom-fighting. For example, we VLA comrades currently must sleep in shifts due to the fact that we only have two sleeping bags. Yes, just two! The result of which is one-half of our group suffering from exhaustion at all times. How can we be expected to take our campaign world-wide while searching desperately for lattes? There's more. We need blankets and benches, cutlery and chairs, Gatorade and Top Ramen, oh, and mugs for beer. We veggies love handcrafted items and would welcome any DIY articles you can dream up to help make our Spartan environment truly cozy (in fact, a hideout cozy would be a very smart item indeed for a vegetable commando to possess). Make your donation now. Please, don't delay. The life that you save may be your neighborhood white bean from a cassoulet.

Each generous donor will receive a thank you gift in the form of an autographed VLA trading card (donor's choice of character), a credit on our homepage and a chance for your handcrafted item to co-star in our upcoming comic book series for which we will also give you credit! Think of yourself not just a mere generous donor, but a collaborator, or even better, a co-conspirator! We are very excited about this future partnership!

So please, take some time to peruse the list of needed items below and when ready to make your donation:

1. email our sponsor, LadyLinoleum, with the type of item you will be donating;
2. any information about your item that you think might be of significance to note on the memorial page;
3. a pic of yourself (optional);
4. your VLA trading card choice; and
5. your address so that we may send you your trading card.

LadyLino is kind enough to assist us with our pledge drive for she is the one human we actually consider to have the heart of a vegetable. Are there more of you veggie-hearted humans out there? Please let us know by answering our plea with a veggie-size donation. Thank you.

Wish List

- Blankets (mini afghans would be much appreciated)

- Bed Linens

- Table Linens (we are civilized veggies you know)

- Foodstuffs (Creepy Cebolla says send Funyuns!)

- Kitchen and Bath Items (no salad shooters please)

- Furniture (any kind, right now our decorating style could be coined "Early Picnic Basket")

- High Tech Gear (computers, DVD player, mp3 players, a television, cell phones, palm pilots)

- Wearables (hats, coats, t's, belts, suspenders, etc.)

- Combat Gear (for black ops)

- Seed Packet Holder ( a Carnivorous Carrots special request)

- Transportation (bus passes would work too)

- Anything Else You Think We Need...

And now a word from our Sponsor, LadyLinoleum: So fellow VLA supporters, if you are interested in participating, please feel free. If not, I still love you! I know everyone has busy lives and lots of stuff to do. However, I would love to add some amazing crafty items into the mix that were created by somebody other than myself. I will give you credit both on the homepage (I plan on making a donor memorial page) and in the future comic book. I am all about giving credit where credit is due. Oh, and you will receive a trading card. Anyway, like the Korn said, if you'd like to participate email me! And remember all items should be VEGETABLE SIZE, meaning pretty darn small.

Copyright 2005 Regina Rioux Gonzalez. All rights reserved.

Holy Frijole (Ho-lee Free-ho-lee)

I originally set out to crochet a legume, specifically a Mexican Jumping Bean, figuring he could be a sidekick for El Churro and I hadn't yet created a creature from the bean family yet. A Mexican Jumping Bean would definitely satisfy my creative conundrum.

Enter the small but endearing Pepito:



I crocheted him up yesterday while visiting my mother using an Artfabrik thread called burnt marshmallows that worked perfectly for his dried out pinto-bean complexion (think burnt refried beans stuck to the bottom of the pan). While driving home from my visit my mind began to ponder the possibilities of this small bean being. Maybe he has a different destiny than just that of a "sidekick". Maybe he is something much more extraordinary. I immediately began to play with language trying to find an alliteration I liked. I kept coming back to Holy Frijole. But if I use Holy Frijole this changes the whole nature of the bean's direction. A completely different direction, I might add, from any that I could have originally conceived.

Please welcome the transformed bean, His Holiness, Padre Pepito:



With all of the problems the Catholic Church has encountered in recent years, the church leadership have welcomed this upstanding jumping bean with open arms. Afterall, preaching to the Mexican legume community can only result in more parishioners AND less scandal...besides the fact that a bean is now a priest, I mean. Anyway, God loves all Earthly creatures, even the beans...

Padre Pepito's frock (more liturgical gear to come):



Copyright 2005 Regina Rioux Gonzalez. All rights reserved.

Creativity in a NUTshell - Emphasis on NUT

I seem to be getting many inquiries surrounding the how and why I make what I make. This is a terribly difficult question to answer without going into a long treatise about the philosophical underpinnings of my creative process which is informed by my upbringing, education, personal aesthetic and oh, just general life-shaping experiences. So, instead of putting you in a comatose state brought about by trying to impart these not-so-juicy life details I will try to put together a Cliff Notes version of LadyLinoleum's Reflections of The Art Neurotique or how I came to crochet a Cheez-It.

It all began the 18th day of May, 1969, in my Mother's birthing chamber at West Hills Hospital, nestled in the bowels of the San Fernando Valley in sun-soaked Southern California...

Just kidding! I scared ya there for a minute huh? I know what you were thinking...OMG this is going to be the most tedious blog post to read E-VER! Well, it still might be, but we won't start at the beginning. Ha!

No, really, in simple terms, ever since I can remember I've been enmeshed in creative thought and process. When I was old enough to hold a pencil in my hand I was compelled to draw. I see my environment in terms of color, form and composition. Everything around me is surface and texture, linear and curvaceous, flat and perspective, veggies armed to their stems with dollhouse-sized weaponry...Really. For me there is nothin' better than dipping my brush in a fresh dollop of paint, feeling fiber slide between my fingers while creating a fabric of loops and knots from this glorified string or using my scissors to liberate a unique and often-times ornate object from something as mundane as 20lb. bond. I have visions of artful objects that appear in colorful three-dimensions. Characters and other errata develop their own voices, personalities, ancestry inside the walls of my mind, eventually birthed from my fingers in a fury of color, light, texture and form.

Sounds sexy, huh? Well, it is. Much of the time. What I have neglected to mention is the other side of what makes LadyLinoleum creative (the dark side) that I don't share with the rest of the world much because I might seem, for lack of a better word, craaaaa-zy. Oh yeah, pull out those prescription meds and make sure your restraints are securely fastened because here we go!

Have you ever stayed awake all night because you were excited about something or conversely bothered about something that pushed your body's need to sleep, oh say, into the next dimension? Okay, do I hear two nights? Three nights? Enter LadyLinoleum who has been known to escape the confines of that silly state called sleep for short and sometimes long periods of time much of her life. Why, do you ask? There are myriad reasons ranging from trying to figure out how to crochet the perfect (and I mean perfect) mermaid fin because you know, in nature, mermaids don't have flaws, to authoring the complete dialog of a three act puppet play that has been haunting my days as well as my nights. All the while, lack of sleep plaguing my mind and body as I go to work the following day(s), feeling utterly exhausted and something akin to a gnarly hangover without the fun of slovenly drunkenness the evening before. Excuse me Mr. Huge Boss Who Is The National Head Of $80 Million Dollar Investment Banking Practice, but I am unable to get my revenue analysis done because I was up all night obsessing about a LEMON WITH A GOGGLE. Hope that's okay...Not sounding real sexy anymore is it?

Let's delve a little deeper into the wild and wacky world of my creative process shall we? Have you ever thought, gee, that scarf or skirt or crocheted churro would look superb if made with yarn the color of ochre with a dash of umber and a pinch of crimson chased with a shot of white to give it that extra pop? No? Well, I have. And I have searched for this color yarn oh, EVERYWHERE ON THE PLANET. So, maybe I will get back into dying my own fiber as a result of this futile yarn-store reconnaissance. I can't quite remember how to use Procion dyes, but that's okay I will just have to STAY AWAKE ALL NIGHT trying desperately to remember when to add the soda or wonder whether I even need to add soda to Procion dye at all. The sex appeal of this creativity thing is really beginning to suck air, is it not?

No wait, there's more. Husband, child or animal need your attention, a little food, affection or conversation from you? Now, how the hell am I expected to have human and animal interactions while obsessively trying to work out a very important creative conundrum such as trying to figure out how to make a sufficiently gorilla-like nose for a life-size King Kong-inspired ensemble taking literally hours, days, weeks of pattern making and experimentation? Just grab some Cheetos, give yourself a hug and I will be with you shortly Oh Loving Family Who Puts Up With My Crapola No Matter What. You see, it's not that I don't want to be with my family, friends and animals. I am, unfortunately, compelled to create above all else. This compulsion/obsession/tortuous/mind-fandango/creative-anti-funfest takes over my psyche, my biology, like a virus. At times, it is very difficult for me (painful even) to switch gears while in OCD-art-making-mode. I agree. Not sexy. Not at all.

Anakin Skywalker's decent into the Dark Side? Yeah, I get that.

Any of you craving the need to make some wacky creation such as a Limon with a pink wig now? I think not.

My brilliantly bookish mother (very grounded and very tolerant) *Hi Mom* says that artists, writers and musicians walk a fine line between reality and madness. Further, she states that one who creates has to journey down said path to be visionary. I don't consider myself visionary, but crazy? Yeah, I got that down. However, I will tell you that I am much less nuts in my "pushing 40" years than when I was younger. I sleep through the night most of the time. I have the ability to put down the yarn or paint or fabric or pencil when I have other more pressing "life things" to attend to. Also, I'll buy yarn "off the shelf" (actually, truck-loads of it, yeah, I'm much better). So, I've mellowed with age, like a good wine. Oh, and drinking wine? Yeah, that helps too. Hey, I'm not boring!

Ideas like Killer Korn wielding deadly corn-holder/prong weapons? This kind of stuff just pops into my head in full living 3D color. Sometimes these ideas are fully fleshed out upon arrival into cluttered brain. Sometimes they take more time to "fully materialize". Does this stuff come to me in dreams? Well, I'd have to sleep through the night for that to happen...

Citrus Incognito

You know the Vegetable Liberation Army as a rag-tag band of veggie guerilla warriors, fearless and unstoppable! But do you know that sometimes those fearless roots, stems and leaves need help? Help in the form of an intel gathering band of citrus? Meet three shadowy citrus of legend: Limon, Lime and Lemon are Citrus Incognito!

Here's the gang before going undercover. Notice how they look like your average citrus citizens?



Here are the citrus comrades in disguise. Transformed and dangerous!



Limon in bee-you-ti-ful pink coif! Limon can seduce any man with that big sexy hair and seduction is what this citrus half-breed uses as its most effective weapon.



Lime with amazing coiling arms! Not only do Lime's arms serve to disguise him as a deceitful fruit and vegetable eating human monster, but due to their length he is able to reach virtually any object atop a high shelf. Handy! (...Um, no pun intended.)



Lemon in infrared goggle! Night vision is key when doing midnight market reconnaissance.



Big round of applause for the most stealth members of the food pyramid: Citrus Incognito!

Copyright 2005 Regina Rioux Gonzalez. All rights reserved.

Holiday Creatures Poll Results

Well peeps, it's Monstrous Fruitcake for ya'll (thanks for the abbreviation corrections you Southern dwellers you!) and there is a tie for second place between Hellraiser Holiday Ham (I am so glad that I get to make a Pinhead Holiday Ham, you've no idea) and Santa Churro. So, I'll make all three, but I will undertake the Fruitcake Monster first. Jeez, you guys are as twisted as I am! LOL

June's Month of Softies - June Bug

June's Month of Softies theme was the perfect excuse for me to crochet-up this little guy! His name is Supa' Fly and I made his wings and eyeball with size 8 perle cotton from DMC and size 8 hand-dyed Artfabrik thread. Incidentally, I've been buying Artfabrik thread for a while now and I LOVE Laura's colorways. All of her threads and fabrics are hand-dyed and the color quality is always consistent. Good stuff.

Supa' Fly's body is made with a novelty yarn that I bought while in New Orleans (I LOVE N'awlins - one of my most favorite cities in the US) about three years ago. So, I was effectively doing a little stash-busting too.

Supa' Fly taking flight:



I even embroidered a little speck of light on his eyeball to add a little "realism" (relative when it comes to my work LOL) to this one-eyed wonder:



From the side, note the sleek body style of this faux entomological gem:



From the top it almost looks like those wings could actually carry his blimp-like bod:



I plan on crocheting Supa' Fly's counterpart too...Flattened Fly! I know, I know, twisted.

Copyright 2005 Regina Rioux Gonzalez. All rights reserved.

Hillbilly Knittin' is NOT just for girls!

Drew, you are the most amazing Hillbilly Knitter, bloggin' buddy and friend! I'm sorry if I implied that boys were not allowed to be HK-ers because I didn't mean to do so. Incidentally, did you know that my given name, Regina, means "foot in mouth" in Esperanto? Yes, it does.

OPD

What is OPD you say? This particular acronym stands for Other People's Dirt. Why am I concerned with OPD you inquire? Well, my husband and I have just purchased a condo that is wall to wall OPD. I am not exaggerating. It is, in a word, repugnant.

I kid you not when I say that I walked into the place after having taken possession of the property and upon entry immediately wished I had my combat boots on (yes, I have combat boots and yes, they look quite fetching with a plaid parochial school girl type skirt - I was a teenager in the 80's, cut me some slack, people).

My second thought immediately following the need for combat ready gear was that there is no way I am putting my beautiful yarn stash in this place, the condo from Planet Pigsty! Not, jeez, I don't want my family or animals sleeping in here. Nor, no way am I putting food in this kitchen. No, I thought of my yarn (it's a sickness I know). I just cannot abide putting my precious yarnage (yes, I made that word up) in the creepy-crawlie-condo-disgusto.

Okay, did I know it was gross before purchase? Yes. However, I realized quickly while searching for a pad to purchase that most people just don't have the same standards as I do. And let me state, for the record, that I reside with many feathered and fuzzy friends, one husband and a child. Okay, I can keep my home clean and hold down a full-time job, crochet and make tons of art, build websites and blog, not to mention attend to the feathered, fuzzed and skinned creatures that inhabit our home AND I DO NOT HAVE A MAID (like the SAHM who was the former occupant). So, I'm bitter. Whatever.

However, it is not healthy to dwell on evil former condo inhabitants (who incidentally have kept the mailbox key so that they can continue to get mail there - oh the list goes on and on) so off to Stitch 'N Bitch I go this evening, located at the bee-you-ti-ful and historic Farmer's Market in West Hollywood. Seriously, I need to do some Hillybilly Knittin' and drink jugs full of moonshine (read: a nice merlot, California-style moonshine).

Do y'all think we should start a Hillbilly Knittin' webring? Or at least make a button??? Give me a shout out and let me know if this is something we indigent hook-wieldin' chicks should pursue.